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Cleaning up the mean streets of the internet - because somebody's gotta do it. From the cyberpunk hellscape of Neo-Chicago, Officer Kevin and Officer Grant monitor the world wide web so you don't have to. Leave us a voicemail to play on the show: 312-788-7361 or send an audio file to thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com The Thought Cops have deputized a number of your favorite thought leaders, content creators, comedians, online personalities, and more, in their effort to clean up the internet once and for all.
Episodes
Wednesday Apr 17, 2019
Wednesday Apr 17, 2019
This week on Thought Cops we're joined by Lars and Joe of The First Podcast. We were also on an episode of theirs that has yet to come out, but in the meantime check out the Officer Grant solo episode.
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Show Notes
IF YOU'RE IN OR AROUND CHICAGO AUGUST 22ND, make sure to buy tickets for the Boomer vs. Zoomer tour, featuring former guests of Thought Cops Asterios Kokkinos, Mumkey Jones, and Sriracha. We'll be opening for them. Get your tickets now!
We've also got a beef with Tinder trying to pull an April Fool's Day joke IN FUCKING MARCH. Hope nothing in TINDER headquarters is FLAMMABLE, if you know what I mean.
This episode we also poke holes in the problematic "consent condoms," and discover that despite his clear disdain for humanity by plaguing humanity with terrible comics, Nathan Pyle is somehow "pro-life." Turns out I'm technically "pro-choice" now, because I'll terminate my own life if he keeps making comics.
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Support the show on PatreonTuesday Apr 09, 2019
Tuesday Apr 09, 2019
Lock and load bitch, it's episode 110 of Thought Cops. This week we're joined by Chicago comedian and owner of The Storefront, Alex Prevolos, and his cousin Marty aka @extremelypeace on Twitter.
Show Notes
We've hit 30k downloads! Thanks everybody for listening! Let's keep those numbers growing, tell all your friends, family members, and Tinder dates to listen and subscribe to Thought Cops!
This week, Alex and Marty help us fight the good fight against unfunny twitter accounts, otherwise healthy 20 year olds with one foot in the grave, Fugazi Economics, slow walkers, medical degrees in popping pimples, celebrity millionaires pretending to be normies, and much more. This is a packed episode, folks.
We also get fooled into talking about Tinder height verification during the episode. Stay tuned to the next episode for the stunning conclusion where we rip Tinder a new asshole for doing an April Fool's Day prank A FULL FUCKING WEEK BEFORE APRIL. I sure hope Tinder headquarters isn't flammable. We also talk about the declining rate of men under 30 having sex. Feels bad, man.
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Tuesday Apr 02, 2019
Tuesday Apr 02, 2019
Hands up! This week on Thought Cops we're joined by Joey Agliata of Jump and Shoot: a Mega Man Podcast.
Show Notes
Joey helps us nab perps off the street this week, such as worn-out Florida Man memes, people with anime avatar profile pics, lazy pieces of shit who won't make their own lives better, and having to do your taxes because the government likes giving you homework.
More importantly though, the Jussie Smollett case was dropped. I'm sure we'll never talk of any of this again. Myspace deletes everything before 2016 except the long-lasting impact of early 2000's emo music. Memes become illegal in Europe. Maybe with some luck we'll make them illegal over here, too. And last but not least, a vegan youtuber gets caught red-handed. And the red on her hand? THE BLOOD OF INNOCENT ANIMALS. Hope you enjoy eating meat IN THE FUCKING GULAG.
We also got this dope fan art from @magipicsandsuch on Twitter, so smash that follow button.
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Sunday Mar 24, 2019
Sunday Mar 24, 2019
PRESENTING: episode 108 of Thought Cops, with America's Wingman himself, host of The Dick Show, Dick Masterson. Also the creator of New Project 2 and a timeless masterpiece of satire. He gets to be on episode 108 because he never got a 108 of his own on The Biggest Problem (rest in peace).
Show Notes
This week, Dick helps us tackle the problems of Instagram/Snapchat stories of people watching tv, tech companies that are so progressive that they're puritanical, and the 10 habits of extremely productive people. Hard hitting commentary as usual.
In actual news though, we talk about the culpability of entertainers like Pewdiepie in the wake of national tragedies, JK Rowling's revisionist historical perspectives toward her own made up world, cat fuckers, and the curious case of Egg Boy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJcF1YBUOZ0
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Monday Mar 18, 2019
Monday Mar 18, 2019
Happy Garbage Day, everybody! This week on Thought Cops, we have returning champion Brett Mercer of Big Time Garbage!
Show Notes
As we mentioned this episode, there's a new shirt for sale on the Thought Cops store. I hope to sell at least one of them.
This week, we uncover the problems with the #yanggang and memetic warfare, an episode of the Simpsons promoting a child abuser 30 years ago, Tucker Carlson's problematic statements from 10 years ago, dumbshit reality-deconstructing alien comics, the "cult" of Coloradoism, and another shitty meme format.
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Monday Mar 11, 2019
Monday Mar 11, 2019
This week on Cops, we have everyone's favorite caller Gumshoe Niko calling in, live and on the Thought Crime Hotline.
Show Notes
Starting off with the world famous "two minutes of hate" segment we always do, we all argue about which way toilet paper go, the "girl hate" phenomenon and how to stop doing it, and the plight of the non-jacket wearers and the discrimination they face on a daily basis. I'm declaring that the "N" in the LGBT acronym now stands for "non-jacket wearers."
More importantly though, we nab thought perps left and right this episode, like Steven Spielberg, who begs the question of whether or not Netflix movies should win Oscars. Go back to making the Animaniacs, you fuckhead.
Also, it wouldn't be an episode of Thought Cops without us talking about a member of the Kardashian/Jenner family doing some dumb shit like being self-made billionaires. When's Forbes going to declare me the youngest self-made college student who graduated without any loan debt?
The live-action Sonic movie also released an image of what Sonic is supposed to look like for the soon to be released feature film, and here's what that looks like. In other gaming news, there's backlash against a Gamer Girl Gaming Dress, and a game called "Rape Day" had to be removed from the Steam store, and you'll never guess why. I swear to god this podcast is going to kill me one day.
Don't forget to leave us a five star review on iTunes so we can read it on the show and also it looks good to have all those nice stars lined up all pretty.
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Tuesday Mar 05, 2019
Tuesday Mar 05, 2019
TONIGHT, ON THOUGHT COPS: Chicago Comedian Brandon Kirkman of the podcasts Podzooky and Desks and Dayjobs, which are all a part of the Machine Culture Collective.
Show Notes
This episode, we're talking about how beer has become the internet's new bacon. And how every single platformer nowadays is a "Soulslike Metroidvania."
We also cover the highly controversial Momo challenge that never fucking happened. I'm never believing anything I read online again. Speaking of which, apparently Captain Marvel is the greatest movie to ever grace the presence of theaters, according to Rotten Tomatoes. That's the website I use to decide for myself if a movie is good or not. A guy also wore a dress to the Oscars, to which Tomi Lahren replied: "MASCULINITY IS FUCKING UNDER ATTACK."
Don't forget to subscribe on iTunes, and donate to our Patreon so we can keep spitting out phat 'casts.
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Tuesday Feb 26, 2019
Tuesday Feb 26, 2019
Click, click, boom! It's another episode of Thought Cops, featuring Jake Flores of Pod Damn America!
Show Notes
Federales, listen up: be sure to subscribe to Podzooky and Rock Bottom Cast this week to catch some hot guest appearances from your favorite officers of the thought. We also discuss some creative ideas people have been utilizing with our $10 Patreon tier. Our listeners are the best, aren't they?
Me: Discusses grievances with social media grieving.
Also me: Has to do the rest of the show.
We gotta talk about this Jussie Smollett stuff. We gotta talk about John Wayne and the airport that's named after him. But most of all, we gotta keep it civil because comments sections are under severe scrutiny as YouTube announced this week they can demonetize your video if the comments section gets too spicy.
So instead, be a carelord this week and tell your friends to listen to Thought Cops. Share the show, spread the word, and good things will come of it, we promise*!
*We have never and can never stand behind such claims.
Monday Feb 18, 2019
Monday Feb 18, 2019
Hell yeah... it's another episode of Thought Cops. This week, we are accompanied by Tony of Hack The Movies and Cinemassacre!
Show Notes
Childhood ruined: the new Aladdin cashcow in the works from Disney finally showed off it's new look for the Genie. Surprise: he's blue! Surprise: it sucks! Thought you heard the last of the "-gate" suffix? Well, think again! Kamala Harris is in hot (bong) water this week as "reefergate" is at the forefront of everyone's minds. Top internet detectives were able to counter-research when Tupac albums came out, to when Ms. Harris claims to have smoked that sticky icky. With this kind of manpower, we could have cured cancer right now. Aziz Ansari addressed his scandal from a year back or so, too. Get a load of this and a lot more by listening to this thrilling episode of Thought Cops!
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Monday Feb 11, 2019
Monday Feb 11, 2019
Get in, loser. It's another episode of Thought Cops! This week we are joined by Chicago comedian Andrew Shankland!
Show Notes
It's been a busy week. We guested on the latest episode of Here's What I Don't Get. And you can GET it HERE. Sorry guys, saw the opportunity and had to go for it. We've also been more active on our twitch channel recently, so don't forget to subscribe and you won't miss a stream. We've got a new episode of Fire Bros out, and we sent out our personal mini-episodes to all of the Federales in the $10 Ride Along tier. Whew.
"Fuck FuckJerry". Never thought you'd see that headline, did ya? Welcome to 2019. FuckJerry is under attack for jacking people's content. The Superb*wl happened recently, and nobody liked it. Yet somehow it remains the most televised event in the country. No Spongebob homage? Disrespectful. We learn that you shouldn't say the B-word anymore (Billionaires, that's the last time I'm going to say it outside of this learning moment) and you should instead say "People of Wealth". Or, PoW's if you're a lazy monster.
Thanks for listening everybody, and keep those sirens on for us.