Thought Cops
Case File 128 with Justin Whang

Case File 128 with Justin Whang

August 13, 2019

Creator of Tales From The Internet, Justin Whang (Instagram / Twitter) is back on the show! Justin's channel is about to hit 500,000 subscribers, so be sure to hit that big red subscribe button and you might just be the lucky 500,000th subscriber. Maybe Justin will give you a prize or something, I don't know.

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Field Notes

Point of privilege: we are going to be talking throughout the episode. There is also some clapping, so keep in mind this episode may not be for the faint of heart. So yes, we do talk about that DSA video.

Did You Know? In the face of national tragedy, people still die from the flu. Thanks Neil deGrasse Tyson. People are letting this guy scoot by because he's a meme, right? Well, at least he isn't a dog-beating YouTuber.

All that, and YOUR listener voicemails? You better believe it- don't miss this episode!

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com

Case File 127 with Nicky Martin

Case File 127 with Nicky Martin

August 6, 2019

Livin' la vida- just kidding. Welcome back to Thought Cops- where the hits. Just. Keep. Coming. That's right. This week we've got Nicky Martin in "da" house. Nicky has been the host of Chicago Underground Comedy for several years and we are seeing him off before he moves to Los Angeles to be near The Industry.

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Field Notes

We guested on the podcast Filler Content this week hosted by our good friends Hard Men Working Hard. Listen to find out what horrible thing Lakembra did.

People are mad that you need a "Bethesda account" to play the 1993 classic 'Doom' on the Nintendo Switch. But just kidding- that was apparently some kind of practical joke! Speaking of: Steve-O's twitter account got hacked to say very bad words. Cue Steve-O throwing up sound effect. Parody cartoons are mean no matter what, and we play some wild n' crazy listener voicemails!

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com

Case File 126 with Brett Mercer of Big Time Garbage

Case File 126 with Brett Mercer of Big Time Garbage

July 29, 2019

It's that time of the week, folks: garbage day, once again. Our good friend Brett Mercer of Big Time Garbage was in Neo-Chicago this week so you know that we had to do it to 'em.

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Field Notes

We might have had a little too much Malört this episode, but that's never stopped us from doing our civic duty and doing it like a mother fucking sir. So, have a seat, this one's a wild one. Oh, but uh, before ya do, keep in mind chairs are gendered now too, and cock and ball torture is mandatory. So whether you got a man hole or something else, no one is safe.

Being that Brett is visiting, we need to discuss the problem with Chicago pizza elitists, and put an end once and for all to the thinkpieces about what a real Chicago pizza is. We don't play games here, and we aren't Monopoly truthers either. Pass go and tell your friends to listen to Thought Cops.

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

Case File 125 with Alex Schultz of Be Nice To Me Productions

Case File 125 with Alex Schultz of Be Nice To Me Productions

July 24, 2019

Well hey, would you look at that! With us this week is Alex Schultz of Be Nice To Me Productions, a Chicago-based YouTube sketch comedy group, with some real wild-ass vidz that must be seen to be believed.

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Field Notes

Hey guys, there is an app on your phone that makes you look like an old FUCK. Check it out- here's me!

Bagel Boss. 5 feet of pure bagel dough and rage! You aren't god, or his father, or his boss, so make sure not to skip out on this embarrassing video! Make sure to watch it before you and all your facebook friends get gunned down by federal agents for trying to Naruto run your way into Area 51. Warning: This Is Epic.

There's a new James Bond, and people are talkin' about it! Spoiler: People have strong opinions on it. Spoiler: It isn't Scarlett Johansson.

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

Case File 124 with Luke Taylor of The Shrimp Boys

Case File 124 with Luke Taylor of The Shrimp Boys

July 14, 2019

Go nuts- we've got Luke Taylor of The Shrimp Boys and Helltrap Nightmare in studio with us this week after waging a posting war against Mr. Peanut and his many minions. Luke runs us through his harrowing tale of getting lightly salted, and lightly cancelled.

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Field Notes

Neo-Chicago, we're in you! You beautiful cyberpunk city, I keep comin' back cause I just can't get enough of your sweet... ass?

Well, it's the summertime, and you know what that means. That's right, make sure to watch the dial on your air conditioner because cold temperatures may reinstate outdated gender norms. How? Your guess is as good as ours, zaddy! Disney is remaking another one of their classic animated films into another lifeless live action shell. This time it's The Little Mermaid, and this time she is black. Well? Are you going to buy a ticket now?

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

Case File 123 with Martin Felshman

Case File 123 with Martin Felshman

July 9, 2019

Greetings! This week we have Chicago comedian Martin Felshman in studio (bedroom). Martin runs the weekly show Cupcake Comedy Cabaret here in Chicago, so if you've got a sweet tooth and want some laughs, don't miss it! Martin is also the co-host of another Chicago podcast, Podzooky! So if you wanna hear about kaiju and want some laughs, don't miss it! Oh yeah, Niko is here too!

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Field Notes

We've got a lot of problems this week, and none of them are "smol" potatoes. Pokemon fans are upset their favorite 'mons might be left behind in a movement they've dubbed "Dexit"! In dumb people news: the bottle cap challenge is very popular.

5 words I've been waiting my whole life to say: The Dalai Lama Is Cancelled. That's right, folks. That news may be hard to swallow, so make sure to wash it down with a hearty swig of GamerGirl Bath Water. It's only $30 a jar.

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

Case File 122 with Derrick Acosta of Mega64

Case File 122 with Derrick Acosta of Mega64

July 3, 2019

This week we're joined by Derrick Acosta of Mega64 and the Heartslayers podcast on episode 122 of Thought Cops! Make sure to give him a follow and a watch and a listen on all platforms! And check out this amazing fucking Metal Gear Solid video Mega64 made a little over a month ago:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-i9unRCvsA&feature=youtu.be

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Derrick Acosta from Mega64 and Heartslayers on episode 122 of Thought Cops

Field Notes

This episode, Derrick helps us take down the thought criminals of the week, of which there are many. Louis CK performed at a ska festival called Skankfest and gave the audience a standing o. Or they gave him one. Oh god how do I find my way out of this euphemism.

Evangelion comes to Netflix, and everyone hates it. Because a boy doesn't tell another boy he loves him or something. And then he jerks off into his hand? While New York, New York by Frank Sinatra's playing in the background. Man, is anime weird.

Kim Kardashian tries to trademark the word "kimono" so as punishment we tie her to a chair and make her watch Andrew Dice Clay perform standup with Roseanne Barr. Shut the fuck up and take my money.

Make sure to subscribe to our Twitch channel! We're Twitch affiliates now. Hooray!

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

Case File 121 with Danny Thompson of ShadowForks Games

Case File 121 with Danny Thompson of ShadowForks Games

June 26, 2019

I hope you're all standing, because we're about to start a new episode of Thought Cops! Joining us this week is Danny "The Street" Thompson of ShadowForks Games. He's here to talk to us about the ethics in games journalism. Danny also regales us with tales of his trip to E3.

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Field Notes

Make sure to check out our call into Mega 64's Poorly Played Stream!

https://youtu.be/gb-aqgHuekc

Here's Danny's video about Death Note: The Musical:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y73Gc15q8PI

 

This week, we try not to let the existential dread kick in as we talk about ironically detached stock phrases, the lack of sympathy the internet has for people, and the litter all over the streets and sidewalks.

This week we also make Gaten Matarazzo get a real fucking job, we talk about Rachel Dolezal doing bisexual-face, and OJ Simpson's brand new Twitter account. We also narrowly avoid talking about Kyle Kashuv getting rejected from Harvard for saying the n-word, and something else about Anita Sarkeesian being in the news. Phew!

Make sure to subscribe to our Twitch channel! We're Twitch affiliates now. Hooray!

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

Case File 120 with Ian Erickson

Case File 120 with Ian Erickson

June 18, 2019

Do the thing, this week we have Ian Erickson of Punching Up on Thought Cops. He does the thing.

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Chicago comedian Ian Erickson of the Punching Up podcast joins Thought Cops for episode 120

Field Notes

SPOILER ALERT. We put all the things we talk about in the episode IN THIS POST. Lurkers beware. This week, we challenge Justin Bieber and Tom Cruise to a pizza roll eating contest, and NEITHER of them take us up on it.

Bad news for clown frogs everywhere, the "honk honk" meme got banned on Facebook. Also though, it didn't. Looks like FAKE NEWS is a... REAL PROBLEM!

Also, hold off paying off your student loans until you're at the end of your life (65), because if you do, it will only cost you TEN DOLLARS. Looks like instead of food, my generation will be eating the old.

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

Case File 119 with Niko

Case File 119 with Niko

June 11, 2019

Darken your eyeshadow and your souls, because this week on Thought Cops we're joined by everybody's favorite resident goth gamer girl, Niko.

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niko on episode 119 of thought cops

Field Notes

If you're not tired of us beating a dead horse by constantly deconstructing the increasing monopolistic stranglehold on audiovisual internet content by Youtube, you're in luck. Because this week Steven Crowder, aka "The Brain" from the Gay Rat Wedding Show on PBS goes head to head with Vox commentator Carlos Maza in who can use the most homophobic slurs and get their Youtube channel completely demonetized. You'll never guess who wins. If we never have to talk about the Youtube adpocalypse or "Voxadpocalypse" again, I'll stop drinking and clean up my act.

This episode we also plan our trip to Boston to celebrate Straight Pride, and we invent a new game for the parade that's kind of like the Mark Wahlberg version of pin the tail on the donkey. We also make fun of how the McElroy brothers look, women who put their middle name as their last name on Facebook, and too many stairs.

Hey, why not buy yourself a nice new Thought Cops t-shirt from the Thought Cops store.

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Click here for tickets to see us live on Thursday, August 22nd at the Crowd Theater in Chicago.

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick