Thought Cops
Case File 136 with Jake Jacobson

Case File 136 with Jake Jacobson

October 7, 2019

Konnichiwa! This week on Thought Cops, we're joined by Jake Jacobson, formerly Mark Whitney of the former American Tribune, currently the curator of the This is an Interesting Political Compass page on Facebook. He's here to help promote our joint venture NARUTO RUN AROUND EVERY TRUMP TOWER (IN THE WORLD), an event you should definitely check-in to and invite all your friends to.

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Field Notes

This week, we're taking down one of the biggest culprits to all of the ills of society: Science. I fucking hate it! Followed up by digging up dead people like George Carlin to help us win political arguments for us. And we finally tackle the problem of poor men making less money than women and how that's somehow a microaggression against women because now they have to marry some poor schmuck that makes less money than them. Gotta blame someone for... poverty, I guess.

Also, you can go ahead and throw away your Halloween costume, because apparently Halloween is CANCELLED. And make sure to throw out your husband and your trans child, because according to Hillary Clinton, that's basically the same thing. Although according to this article she didn't so what the fuck do I know. Like comment and subscribe, citizen.

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 135 with Garrett Hunter of Mega64

Case File 135 with Garrett Hunter of Mega64

October 1, 2019

We sure do love ya- Garrett Hunter is back on the show! Garrett is a member of the comedy group Mega64, who have been putting out top-tier videos online since 2003. Garrett also hosts a weekly Mega64 streaming/call-in show, the Poorly Played Stream, every Wednesday night over on their twitch channel!

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Field Notes

We announced our exclusive, not to be missed event: Thought Cops' Naruto Run Around Every Trump Tower In The World. Follow the link to RSVP and share on Facebook, no matter where you are, or who you are! Let's change the world together, one shinobi at a time. #NotMyHokage

We also re-appeared on the Hard Men Working Hard's podcast Filler Content this week, and Grant was on a recent episode of the Rich Dickman podcast. Find them wherever podcasts are found!

Joker Update: we're talking about America's favorite joker, The Joker, yet again! This time: the military is involved! Carson King raises over a million dollars for charity, gets cancelled for some posts he did as a teen, and then the canceller who cancelled him gets cancelled. Game on! Justin Trudeau also gets cancelled for being a little too into cosplay, and we talk about live leak fight video comment sections. 

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 134 with Mitch Kamaiopili

Case File 134 with Mitch Kamaiopili

September 23, 2019

Mitch up in this bitch (sorry). Mitch Kamaiopili co-runs Slide Into Your DM's- a monthly comedy showcase in Chicago with a D&D twist!

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Field Notes

berry

Cool fanart by Berries n' Cream!

This week, school shootings have gone out of style, but vapes have never been cooler. I guess life is always about trade-offs. We've also got updates about the Shane Gillis firing at SNL. And surprise surprise, everything went about as you'd expect.

Vibe check- do you want this anime girl to break your neck? Tune in to find out more!

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 133 with Jack Allison

Case File 133 with Jack Allison

September 17, 2019

Jack of all trades (sorry Jack): Jack Allison joins us this week! Jack has written for both Jimmy Kimmel and the Academy Awards, and currently hosts the podcast Struggle Session, and a morning show JackAM which streams weekdays on Twitch.

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Field Notes

Guess what? You made the cut on our facebook friends list purge, so you owe it to us to listen to this episode.

SNL attempts to stay relevant as a curious casting choice has the internet in uproar this week.  Shane Gillis from Matt And Shane's Secret Podcast was hired and fired from Saturday Night Live as a controversial episode of their show was unearthed. Speaking of controversial, did someone say "vagina bones"? Well, the new Final Fantasy remake has fans curious where they went! But it's not just video games on blast this week- board games aren't content to be left behind as the Parker Brothers grasp at straws with "Ms Monopoly" and "Socialism Monopoly".

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 132 with Brad Carter of The Phone Losers of America

Case File 132 with Brad Carter of The Phone Losers of America

September 10, 2019

Phone's ringing, pick it up! It's Brad Carter from The Phone Losers of America and The Snow Plow Show, on this week's episode of Thought Cops!

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Field Notes

We've got a whole bunch of updates for you all this week. We have a new episode of Fire Bros, our bonus show, out this week. Also, every bonus episode we've ever done is now time stamped with the material we've covered, so you can skip ahead if you want! And if you're an Honorary Deputy or Red Beret on Patreon, you'll get a credit in any future videos we make! We also have new stickers out in the Thought Cops merch store, so check those out and slap em up wherever you want.

But this week: Brad helps us follow up with Chicken Watch 2019, where people are getting held at gunpoint for not supplying hungry customers with chicken sandwiches. And you all thought the Chicken Wars was a joke.

Speaking of jokes, Hitler has a head tattoo, has a hard time finding a job, and was just convicted of pedophilia. And no, that's not a joke. We finally get to do something we've wanted to do for a long time on this show and punish Hitler. Fuck that guy.

Also in the news, InfoWars returns to Youtube for a day before getting cancelled yet again, and the Joker movie has been under some heavy fire for giving incels some bad ideas about retaliation. At least that's what the internet told me. Which means that's enough internet for the day. Sksk and I oop! Thanks for listening!

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 131 with Brianna Murphy

Case File 131 with Brianna Murphy

September 3, 2019

The only good riot is a laugh riot (sorry) and this week we got one for ya: Brianna Murphy is back!

 

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Field Notes

We talk about doing our first ever live show, and we hit the ground running in one of our wildest eppys yet! Dave Chappelle's latest Netflix special rustles some feathers, hey, speaking of feathers, we talk about the Chicken Wars! Brand twitter absolutely goes OFF this week as Popeyes, Chick-Fil-A, Wendy's, and more, debate just who has the best chicken sandwich! Folks, we live in a society. Speaking of hacky comedy, Pete Davidson gets mad at people in his age group for being on their phones a lot. Not all heroes wear capes. We love that for you. We live in a republic.

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 130 LIVE with Asterios Kokkinos and Sirancha

Case File 130 LIVE with Asterios Kokkinos and Sirancha

August 27, 2019

Finally- a live Thought Cops spectacular. And what better way to kick off our first live show than with our good friends Asterios Kokkinos and Sirancha, at the beautiful Crowd Theater in Chicago! It isn't Thought Cops On Ice, but it is the next best thing.

https://youtu.be/nuOe4HCJqmw

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Field Notes

Asterios and Sirancha stop by Neo-Chicago on their Loudest Podcast tour, and we get together for a Thought Cops live special to delight the masses.

We gotta keep it real though. Conan, we love you, but podcasting is our game. Until you let us have our own late night show, stay the hell off the cover of Wired magazine. The artist formerly known as Bagel Boss is in some legal heat, The Simpsons post cringe, and why the fuck doesn't Wario have any nipples?

So tune in to the show and watch it on YouTube if you can, because we've got some surprise appearances you won't want to miss, including Brad Carter, creator of Phone Losers Of America!

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 129 with Roast Mortem Cast

Case File 129 with Roast Mortem Cast

August 19, 2019

This week on Thought Cops we're joined by all four members of the podcast Roast Mortem! If you haven't checked em out yet, they do a great show where they roast the shit out of dead people. And as it turns out, most of them deserve it.

 

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Thought Cops episode featuring Roast Mortem podcast

Field Notes

This episode, Cody, Mike, Tom, and Travis throw their history books out and pick up a the book of LAW. With their help, we take down the cafeteria table meme, self-righteous news anchors, Facially Exaggerated Clickbait Engagement Screencaps, the entire internet for destroying our Geocities sites, the overdone trend of turning every song into a metal cover, and irritating Instagram features.

That's not all though. There's a new slur in town: Fredo. Coined by a guy who really likes coining slurs for himself. People are also upset that Rocko's Modern Life made a character trans. Looks like that show's about to get fucking cancelled. I wanted "modern life," not "post-modern neo-Marxist" life. News also broke this week that everybody's favorite porn star Mia Khalifa only made $12,000 from her brief career in pornography. Please donate to her Porntreon.

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Click here for tickets to see us live on Thursday, August 22nd at the Crowd Theater in Chicago.

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 128 with Justin Whang

Case File 128 with Justin Whang

August 13, 2019

Creator of Tales From The Internet, Justin Whang (Instagram / Twitter) is back on the show! Justin's channel is about to hit 500,000 subscribers, so be sure to hit that big red subscribe button and you might just be the lucky 500,000th subscriber. Maybe Justin will give you a prize or something, I don't know.

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Field Notes

Point of privilege: we are going to be talking throughout the episode. There is also some clapping, so keep in mind this episode may not be for the faint of heart. So yes, we do talk about that DSA video.

Did You Know? In the face of national tragedy, people still die from the flu. Thanks Neil deGrasse Tyson. People are letting this guy scoot by because he's a meme, right? Well, at least he isn't a dog-beating YouTuber.

All that, and YOUR listener voicemails? You better believe it- don't miss this episode!

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Click here for tickets to see us live on Thursday, August 22nd at the Crowd Theater in Chicago.

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 127 with Nicky Martin

Case File 127 with Nicky Martin

August 6, 2019

Livin' la vida- just kidding. Welcome back to Thought Cops- where the hits. Just. Keep. Coming. That's right. This week we've got Nicky Martin in "da" house. Nicky has been the host of Chicago Underground Comedy for several years and we are seeing him off before he moves to Los Angeles to be near The Industry.

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Field Notes

We guested on the podcast Filler Content this week hosted by our good friends Hard Men Working Hard. Listen to find out what horrible thing Lakembra did.

People are mad that you need a "Bethesda account" to play the 1993 classic 'Doom' on the Nintendo Switch. But just kidding- that was apparently some kind of practical joke! Speaking of: Steve-O's twitter account got hacked to say very bad words. Cue Steve-O throwing up sound effect. Parody cartoons are mean no matter what, and we play some wild n' crazy listener voicemails!

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com