June 18, 2019
Do the thing, this week we have Ian Erickson of Punching Up on Thought Cops. He does the thing.
iTunes: Listen, subscribe, leave a review
Support the show on Patreon
Field Notes
SPOILER ALERT. We put all the things we talk about in the episode IN THIS POST. Lurkers beware. This week, we challenge Justin Bieber and Tom Cruise to a pizza roll eating contest, and NEITHER of them take us up on it.
Bad news for clown frogs everywhere, the "honk honk" meme got banned on Facebook. Also though, it didn't. Looks like FAKE NEWS is a... REAL PROBLEM!
Also, hold off paying off your student loans until you're at the end of your life (65), because if you do, it will only cost you TEN DOLLARS. Looks like instead of food, my generation will be eating the old.
Click here to buy Thought Cops t-shirts and mugs.
Click here to buy some Thought Cops stickers.
Click here for tickets to see us live on Thursday, August 22nd at the Crowd Theater in Chicago.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Support the show on Patreon
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
June 11, 2019
Darken your eyeshadow and your souls, because this week on Thought Cops we're joined by everybody's favorite resident goth gamer girl, Niko.
Support the show on Patreon
iTunes: Listen, subscribe, leave a review
Field Notes
If you're not tired of us beating a dead horse by constantly deconstructing the increasing monopolistic stranglehold on audiovisual internet content by Youtube, you're in luck. Because this week Steven Crowder, aka "The Brain" from the Gay Rat Wedding Show on PBS goes head to head with Vox commentator Carlos Maza in who can use the most homophobic slurs and get their Youtube channel completely demonetized. You'll never guess who wins. If we never have to talk about the Youtube adpocalypse or "Voxadpocalypse" again, I'll stop drinking and clean up my act.
This episode we also plan our trip to Boston to celebrate Straight Pride, and we invent a new game for the parade that's kind of like the Mark Wahlberg version of pin the tail on the donkey. We also make fun of how the McElroy brothers look, women who put their middle name as their last name on Facebook, and too many stairs.
Hey, why not buy yourself a nice new Thought Cops t-shirt from the Thought Cops store.
Click here to buy some Thought Cops stickers.
Click here for tickets to see us live on Thursday, August 22nd at the Crowd Theater in Chicago.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Support the show on Patreon
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
June 3, 2019
Grab an antacid and loosen your belt, it's episode 118 of Thought Cops! This week we're joined once again by the Porklift himself, Allan of Not for Human Consumption, and new guest Lisa of the Garbage and Gold podcast. Both humiliatingly lost to Officer Grant in the horrifying display of humanity that was The 1st Annual NFHC Podcast Super Pizza Roll Championship Turbo Edition. Video below:
https://youtu.be/gFF_jfIdyA8
Support the show on Patreon
iTunes: Listen, subscribe, leave a review
Show Notes
Attention all #boymoms out there, make sure your kid isn't jelqing. It'll fuck up his dick, and then he'll have to have massive incel reconstructive surgery because otherwise nobody will fuck him. Want California to float off into the ocean? Be the change you want to see in the world. Has all this "this okay sign is a white supremacist symbol" stuff gone on long enough? Two Chicago area high schools say: hahahaha fuck you bitches WE'RE NOT YET. Maybe this trend will be over as soon as George R.R. Martin finishes writing his goddamn books.
Hey, why not buy yourself a nice new Thought Cops t-shirt from the Thought Cops store.
Click here to buy some Thought Cops stickers.
Click here for tickets to see us live on Thursday, August 22nd at the Crowd Theater in Chicago.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Support the show on Patreon
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
May 27, 2019
Pop a capsule and smash that play button, it's your weekly episode of Thought Cops, with special guest Kris Wilson of Cyanide & Happiness and Explosm.net.
Support the show on Patreon
iTunes: Listen, subscribe, leave a review
Show Notes
We've got a lot of paperwork to get through this episode. Alabama bans an episode of a children's cartoon. Fucking SJWs. Game of Thrones leaves a water bottle on set. Apparently the crew cares just about as much as I do. Robert Pattinson is playing Batman, but hopefully we can get Kristen Stewart to play Catwoman and Taylor Lautner to play Joker. Everybody sign your change.org petitions. People I didn't know existed, the Krassenstein brothers, get banned from Twitter, and get forced to move back into their parent's house and sleep in their old bunk beds.
Speaking of online idiots getting too involved in politics, Youtubers need to stop running for public office, before we all really do end up living in a honk honk clown world. In other news, reply guys are taking over the internet, so load up your green squirt guns and barricade yourself in your house for protection.*****
We have a NEW T-SHIRT DESIGN up in the Thought Cops store.
Click here to buy some Thought Cops stickers.
Click here for tickets to see us live on Thursday, August 22nd at the Crowd Theater in Chicago.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Support the show on Patreon
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
*****footnote: this is not a death threat
May 22, 2019
Good day. This week on the beat we're joined by the Hard Men Working Hard, Lakembra, Sam, and Aciou/Vistas. You can listen to them on Soundcloud, Youtube, Patreon, and their Bandcamp. Also check out their monthly podcast Filler Content, which is in basically all those links I just put.
Support the show on Patreon
Show Notes
This week in honk honk clown world, we enter the dawn of a new culture war as Mr. Ratburn from somehow still-running PBS children's show Arthur gets gay married. It's as Karl Marx said in the Cultural Marxist Manifesto: "get together and make things better, by working together." If you don't think that's bad, wait until you hear how despondent everyone becomes when we somehow end up talking about a Youtube makeup artist named James Charles. Maybe Uber is right in creating a quiet button for their drivers, except instead of only working in their cars, they silence everyone and everything.
We have a NEW T-SHIRT DESIGN up in the Thought Cops store.
Click here to buy some Thought Cops stickers.
Click here for tickets to see us live on Thursday, August 22nd at the Crowd Theater in Chicago.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Support the show on Patreon
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick.
May 15, 2019
Bananagram! This week on the beat we're joined by Ari Grabb, creator of Bento Banana, as well as a whole youtube channel full of great content.
Support the show on Patreon
Show Notes
This episode, we toss Facebook gore posts, Sonic the Hedgehog (again), Smash Bros meme stages, and "_______ shit particles on it" into the paddy wagon and beat the shit out of them. We also kick a Cubs owner out of Wrigley Field for being a white supremacist, we run all over Nick DiPaolo's lawn and stomp on his daylillies, and try and save the economy by never eating at Burger King or Starbucks ever fucking again.
Click here to buy some Thought Cops stickers.
Click here to buy some Thought Cops shirts and mugs.
Click here for tickets to see us live on Thursday, August 22nd at the Crowd Theater in Chicago.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Support the show on Patreon
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick.
May 1, 2019
Bon jour! This week we're joined by Chicago comedian Bontrager.
Support the show on Patreon
Show Notes
Officer Kevin is finally back from Japan, and the squad car is hitting the streets hard. We take out the "honk honk, clown world" bullshit, people instagramming movies, and the poor souls in this world who are the only people on the entire planet who have never seen Game of Thrones.
We cover this ridiculous tweet from a musicologist, LGBT representation in Marvel movies, internet streamer Etika gets swatted, and Charles Martinet clarifies just exactly what Mario says as he perpetrates a hate crime against Bowser.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Program
Support the show on Patreon
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick.
April 23, 2019
Konnichiwa! You're tuning into Thought Cops radio scanner channel 69.6. Officer Kevin is currently radioing into the show in the middle of an undercover reconnaissance mission in Neo-Toyko 3 to investigate the horrors that video games are plaguing upon the public discourse this week.
Support the show on Patreon
Show Notes
Make sure to buy tickets for the Boomer vs. Zoomer tour if you'll be in Chicago on August 22nd, featuring former guests of Thought Cops Asterios Kokkinos, Mumkey Jones, and Sriracha. We'll be opening for them. Get your tickets now!
Like we mentioned, Officer Kevin had to go to Japan this week after Nintendo was found to be using disability slurs in a video game's song. In retaliation, we destroy a young gaming journalist's career. We also go across the pond to France, because people won't stop sharing vacation pictures on social media after a church burned down. So we had to go in and burn all the social media company headquarters down. That's at least one of the reasons why Reddit isn't working today.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Program
Support the show on Patreon
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick.
April 17, 2019
This week on Thought Cops we're joined by Lars and Joe of The First Podcast. We were also on an episode of theirs that has yet to come out, but in the meantime check out the Officer Grant solo episode.
Support the show on Patreon
Show Notes
IF YOU'RE IN OR AROUND CHICAGO AUGUST 22ND, make sure to buy tickets for the Boomer vs. Zoomer tour, featuring former guests of Thought Cops Asterios Kokkinos, Mumkey Jones, and Sriracha. We'll be opening for them. Get your tickets now!
We've also got a beef with Tinder trying to pull an April Fool's Day joke IN FUCKING MARCH. Hope nothing in TINDER headquarters is FLAMMABLE, if you know what I mean.
This episode we also poke holes in the problematic "consent condoms," and discover that despite his clear disdain for humanity by plaguing humanity with terrible comics, Nathan Pyle is somehow "pro-life." Turns out I'm technically "pro-choice" now, because I'll terminate my own life if he keeps making comics.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Program
Support the show on Patreon
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick.
