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Cleaning up the mean streets of the internet - because somebody's gotta do it. From the cyberpunk hellscape of Neo-Chicago, Officer Kevin and Officer Grant monitor the world wide web so you don't have to. Leave us a voicemail to play on the show: 312-788-7361 or send an audio file to thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com The Thought Cops have deputized a number of your favorite thought leaders, content creators, comedians, online personalities, and more, in their effort to clean up the internet once and for all.
Episodes
Wednesday Apr 01, 2020
Wednesday Apr 01, 2020
Turn your volume knob all the way up, because The Loudest Podcast's Asterios Kokkinos joins the fight once again! Asterios and Srirancha run the Asterios and Srirancha Podcast Emporium where you can buy any sort of podcast imaginable so long as it's theirs.
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Support the show on Patreon
Field Notes
What might be worse than dying from the virus is the lack of sex we're all having as a result of social isolation. The CDC is making coronacels out of all of us, telling us to stop giving rim jobs and to stop licking toilets (technically and practically also a "rim job"???), and isn't it about time someone stood up to them and told them to stop kink shaming? If I want to catch the virus just to trigger the libs that's MY RIGHT as an American.
At least we still have Animal Crossing to play no wait just kidding PETA ruined it for us. FUCK. I'm so frustrated in so many different ways right now. One fetish they can't take away from us though is this Malort flavored hand sanitizer. Yes, I did say "flavored." Perfect for sanitizing your hands after going to the grocery store, and for sanitizing your tongue after licking shit, no matter what the surface.
Anyway thanks for listening as always, and remember: when we all run out of food, celebrities are fair game and it doesn't count as cannibalism because they're not really people.
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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Tuesday Mar 24, 2020
Tuesday Mar 24, 2020
Mega64's own Garrett Hunter returns, and Mega64's own Bryan Abou Chacra makes his debut! The two hosts of the Mega64 Poorly Played Stream team up with the two hosts of Thought Cops in our meatiest, most vulnerable episode yet!
iTunes: Listen, subscribe, leave a review
https://youtu.be/h_O-AWLIwUQ
Field Notes
So, how bout this virus we're having?
Everything is closed and there's nothing to do, so we're streaming more than ever on twitch! We've been doing all kinds of fun streams lately, so subscribe to us and don't miss a beat!
Much to talk about this week. And no one gives a fuck about your quarantine routine. Least of all Jared Leto, who had no idea any of this was happening because he was hiding from a cult he created or something.
Despite all of the shelter-in-place warnings (read: orders), it didn't stop college students from wanting to party it up in Miami! Well, it can't be so bad when the alternative is being cooped up with your family. And some family feuds die hard, as shown in this clip from the Cuomo brothers. But it's pretty lonely out there, if we're being honest. After all, just look at the WWE.
Thanks for listening, and keep us some company with your voicemails! 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Sunday Mar 15, 2020
Sunday Mar 15, 2020
Who's on first? It's Ben Flores from the podcast Please Save Me, the best and only podcast about television's #1 made-up show, Chicago Heroes! You may also know him from his bombastic twitter account Limited Breadsticks, @limitlessjest.
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Field Notes
We're all trying our best to stay positive this week, despite all that's happening online right now. Final Fantasy 7 might be political, and liberalism might just end up being lifestyle branding after everything's said and done. But at least we still have Ok Boomer girl, abused cats getting revenge on toxic e-girls, and idiot celebrities to make fun of. We might be facing the brink of apocalypse this week, but they can't take those things away from us.
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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Monday Mar 09, 2020
Monday Mar 09, 2020
Cripp Daddy, aka Yung Cripp joins us this week for a delightful episode of Thought Cops to be enjoyed by all. You can follow him on Twitter, Youtube, Twitch, and catch him at a show he's performing at whenever this whole corona virus thing blows over.
iTunes: Listen, subscribe, leave a review
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Sunday Mar 01, 2020
Sunday Mar 01, 2020
Cupcake Comedy Cing (pronounced 'King', really stretching for alliteration here) Martin Felshman returns to the program! Martin hosts a kaiju-themed comedy podcast called Podzooky, which Kevin and Grant have both been on!
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Field Notes
Thought Cops the GOAT 🐐
The CDC advises one of the only ways to avoid contracting the Corona Virus is to grow a Hitler 'stache- AKA "The Toothbrush". Bloomberg campaign offices are politely vandalized this week, and conservatives create their own Shadow the Hedgehog to compete with liberal's Sonic the Hedgehog, AKA Greta Thunberg.
Pokemon gets accused of whitewashing, we debate whether or not twitter is real life, and we play lots of YOUR voicemails!
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Tuesday Feb 25, 2020
Tuesday Feb 25, 2020
Struggle Session's own Leslie Lee The Third joins us this week to lay down a lot of law with us.
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Field Notes
"Tell me something I don't know"
War is senseless, and nothing is more senseless than the war between Sonic the Hedgehog and Birds Of Prey, now in theaters. Streaming sweetheart Ninja releases yet another statement about how it's hard out there a Gamer, and McDonald's releases a bunch of disgusting meme candles. Your house can smell like pickle juice on purpose, because apparently that's funny.
We play YOUR listener voicemails and a whole lot more- this episode simply mustn't be missed!
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Tuesday Feb 18, 2020
Tuesday Feb 18, 2020
Local Chicago comedian Mitch Kamaiopili joins us for this week's episode of Internet Investigations Incoporated, a Thought Cops Company.
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Field Notes
This week, Mitch aids us in the fight against airplane seat punchers, NASA hoaxes, PSAs for straight dudes idolizing bad characters, motivation porn, and cat instagrams turning into baby instagrams.
Also a moment of silence for the Romphim. 2017-2020. Also a moment of silence for Papa John's reputation, which breathed its last breath this week when he revealed he didn't really eat 40 pizzas in a month. How else will I be disappointed in 2020? Tune in next week to find out!
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Wednesday Feb 12, 2020
Wednesday Feb 12, 2020
We're joined by Rem of The Rich Dickman Show this week on Thought Cops!
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Field Notes
Remember the Super Bowl? That was an entire year ago. Also though it was last week. And apparently the NFL is facing some trouble for having too sexy of a halftime show.
Officer Grant was also vindicated this week because of his prediction that marketing campaigns, such as the Planter's Peanuts "Baby Nut" mascot, are trying to turn us all into babies. Goo goo.
There's also a fun new social media app called Giggle that's only for women, and there is definitely nothing that could be problematic as a result of the face-scanning software they use on the website.
We also help topple the Roman empire, cancel Abraham Lincoln, and we all get verified on Twitter. Hooray!
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Tuesday Feb 04, 2020
Tuesday Feb 04, 2020
Welcome one and all, to another installment of Thought Cops. This week, Andrew Shankland returns to the program.
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Field Notes
Sick of your friends telling you that we're living in the movie Idiocracy? Yeah, so are we. However, this week America comes together to mourn the loss of one of it's greatest icons: Mr Peanut. Sound familiar? A MSNBC host has a major flub where her one job was to not have that one specific flub, and there are some new emojis I guess. Check em out!
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Monday Jan 27, 2020
Monday Jan 27, 2020
Better call the business number for the police, because Witten joins us for this auspicious episode of Thought Cops this week. You might recognize her from this video:
https://youtu.be/3RFun58Gt7A
You can follow Witten on Twitter and Instagram. And possibly outdoors in a cage somewhere public. Gotta give the people what they want.
iTunes: Listen, subscribe, leave a review
Field Notes
Jeffery Epstein might not have killed himself, but we might've just caused the actor who voices Apu on the Simpsons to. Finally we caused economic harm to happen to a boomer instead of vice-versa.
Speaking of economic harm, some people out there can't even afford a toothbrush, and spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on a lawsuit for one that only costs one cent. Nothing surprises me anymore.
Finally in outrage news this week, Vince Vaughn, lifelong republican, shook hands with the President of the United States. I demand Blockbuster Video give me a full refund for my purchase of the DVD of Dodgeball that I purchased in 2004.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com