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Cleaning up the mean streets of the internet - because somebody's gotta do it. From the cyberpunk hellscape of Neo-Chicago, Officer Kevin and Officer Grant monitor the world wide web so you don't have to. Leave us a voicemail to play on the show: 312-788-7361 or send an audio file to thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com The Thought Cops have deputized a number of your favorite thought leaders, content creators, comedians, online personalities, and more, in their effort to clean up the internet once and for all.
Episodes
Tuesday Feb 05, 2019
Tuesday Feb 05, 2019
Lock and load, because we're back for "season two" of Thought Cops: Episode 101! We're back from our post-100 break, and we're joined this week by Riley from Anti-Social Entertainment and his friend Bird or Longneck or whatever other moniker he decides to go by in the upcoming months.
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Show Notes
This week's show is all about catching up on the last two week's worth of news stories, so we're playing all the hits. We've got the toxic masculinity Gillette ad. We've got the Covington Catholic School boys smirking at Native American veterans. We've got Ben Shapiro defending Baby Hitler. We've got the Venom fuckers versus the Ted Bundy fuckers. We've got Howard Schultz's presidential run. What more could you want from a podcast about pure unadulterated internet outrage? Brought to you for the low, low price of ABSOLUTELY FREE.
If you'd like to though, you can always support our show on Patreon. Click the link below. Thanks for listening!
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Program
Wednesday Jan 16, 2019
Wednesday Jan 16, 2019
Thanks everybody!
Officer Kevin and Officer Grant take a "look back" at their "legacy" thus far over, at some of the "greatest hits" of the past 100 episodes. My memory may be a bit foggy on these, but they sound familiar?
This episode isn't just about the Thought Cops, though. This is a celebration of YOU- the listeners! Lots of friends of the show chime in with some congratulatory voicemails, as well as cameo appearances from Justin Whang, Davepretendo, Allan Foster, and Zwick! Won't you join us on this trip down "memory lane"?
Monday Jan 07, 2019
Monday Jan 07, 2019
Strap on and strap in, the Thought Cops are joined by adult performer Charlotte Sartre this week, AKA Goth Charlotte! Show her some love by supporting her on OnlyFans.com. And you can always support us by:
Charlotte tells us about all of the "C-words" in her line of work, and how it's just best in general not to be a total C-word. We agree. We also talk about how "Top ___ Of The Year" lists give us fleeting purpose in this crazy world. After all, we haven't made any progress in the last 10 years.
Louis CK is back in the news. We're tired of talking about him. So instead we'll focus our energy on the Monterey Bay Aquarium and their calculated takedown of an innocent otter who may or may not have a weight problem but is beautiful no matter what because all otters are beautiful. We also learn that otter means something else, too.
"PewDiePie attacks Lilly Singh with 'Big Chungus' meme."
Again, we haven't made any progress in the last 10 years.
The best thing about Thought Cops? You can do the Bird Box Challenge while you listen! So make sure to subscribe to us on iTunes, and THEN put the blindfold on. You'll be in for a real treat.
Don't forget to leave us a voicemail at 312-788-7361. It'll probably get on the show.
We'll see you next time for Episode 100. Thanks everyone.
Wednesday Jan 02, 2019
Wednesday Jan 02, 2019
Welcome to Thought Cops! This week, we're joined by three-peat champion Asterios Kokkinos! Asterios is a comedian from New York, and the host of 48,000 podcasts you can all find in the Asterios Kokkinos Podcast Factory.
It's the start of a new year, which means we've brought all of last year's problems over the threshold to ruin everyone's internet experience one obnoxious post at a time. This week, we go apprehend people over too much AOC spam, the social media depression hole, Chris Rock's n-word controversy, and Soulja Boy's failed video game console. We also get weirded the fuck out by Kevin Spacey's newest viral video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZveA-NAIDI
Don't forget to leave us a voicemail at 312-788-7361, and we'll play it on the show. Happy new year, mother fuckers.
Monday Dec 24, 2018
Monday Dec 24, 2018
iTunes: Listen, subscribe, leave a review
Welcome to Thought Cops! This week, we're joined by Larry Bleidner of That Larry Show!
Larry helps us attack the issues of the week, such as the Patreon debacle, all the lawsuits against Fortnite, Sweden's "man-free" music festival found guilty of discrimination, and a gender neutral Santa debate that doesn't really exist. We also spend two minutes of hate hating on "internet safety," Ted Cruz Beard Apologists, and Facebook Friends list purges.
Don't forget to leave us a voicemail at 312-788-7361, and we'll play it on the show. Thanks again for listening, and HAPPY HOLIDAYS. ALL OF THE HOLIDAYS.
Tuesday Dec 18, 2018
Tuesday Dec 18, 2018
Konnichiwa, Coplings. Welcome to Case File 96 of Thought Cops, featuring Davepretendo, otherwise known by his alter ego Sephirothsword57.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mO2PJKKS2Q
We walk back our comments on celebrity deaths by sticking it the the "celebrity death trolls" this week. How many times am I going to have to google "Adam Sandler dead", my fingers shaking on each key press, before I learn my lesson? Until you stop trolling me!
A Sonic the Hedgehog movie is coming out, and we got our first look at the character design! Yeah, it sucks. But you probably didn't need me to tell you that. Though, Sonic has been drawn in much, much, much worse proportions before.
It's awards season, so we're talking the Oscars and the Game Awards. Hope you scrubbed your social media presence over the last 15 years, because you might just lose your spot as a host like Kevin Hart did.
Baby It's Cold Outside is back in the news. I feel like we just did an episode about this, around this time, last year. We'll probably talk about it again next year, too. Listen to the episode to see if there have been any changes since last year. You win a prize if you can "spot the difference"!
We ride on through to some listener voicemails as well. Leave your own at 312-788-7361, and we'll play it on the show. Come on, it's fun! Thanks again for listening, and please, take care of yourselves out there, would you?
Monday Dec 10, 2018
Monday Dec 10, 2018
Climb aboard, it's another episode of Thought Cops! This week we are joined by Chicago comedians Aaron Klopfer and Brianna Murphy, and we try very hard to stay on task. Results may vary, but you won't complain now, will you?
This week, we tackle celebrity deaths. The ones that matter, at least. We (Grant) get mad at our phones for not doing what we tell them to do. Darn those things.
A CALL TO ARMS: The war on porn has begun. Tumblr has started censoring all adult content (which naturally, the algorithm attempts to wildly guess at) and Starbucks bans porn sites from their wifi. No room for cream with that order.
PETA goes whole-hog (bagel) on speech policing, and offers some animal-friendly language instead. We go over some key phrases you should use instead of saying "I'm bringing home the bacon" like you're in some 90s sitcom. Being vegetarian must be hard, when science says you should only eat six fries in one sitting.
As always, we play your listener voicemails as well! Leave your own at 312-788-7361, and you're gonna like the way you sound. We guarantee it.
Thank you to the wonderful dude2o for editing this episode, and all following episodes. These episodes should speak for themselves if you are looking for any audio editing work: hit him up.
#AllNecksMatter
Sunday Dec 02, 2018
Sunday Dec 02, 2018
Garrett Hunter from Mega64 touches down this week to help us do what we do best every week- dish out divine justice to those who mildly irritate us.
In this episode, dedicated to Gamer-Americans everywhere, we discuss the disappointment that is the PlayStation Classic. However, we also reminisce on the good times. Lego Island, anyone? You guys play that one? An absolute gem.
So. They did surgery on a grape.
Ahem. Well, not exactly. But, we go to excruciating lengths to show you just how unfunny the internet can be. Speaking of: #ThotAudit. Not going to elaborate any further, just listen to the episode.
Laura Loomer handcuffs herself to twitter HQ to make them bring back animated avatars. Science tells us that your "doggo" might not be as smart as you think, and young Gamer-Americans are being shipped off to rehab facilities in what parents describe as a "Fortnite addiction" phenomenon!
We get to listener voicemails as well. You can even leave your own at 312-788-7361, and we'll play it on the show! Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next week!
Monday Nov 26, 2018
Monday Nov 26, 2018
We're expecting! A new episode, that is. Get your sex pumpkins ready everyone because Lakembra of Hard Men Working Hard joins us from down under this week!
The Proud Boys need a new leader, but will Augustus Gloop be the boy to lead them to victory against lesbian Thanksgiving parades? Tune in to find out!
We also discuss the hilarious cut content of W*nnie the P*oh from the Chinese release of Kingdom Hearts 3. It's like he was never really there, seriously folks. Speaking of not being all there, Logan Paul "comes out of the closet" this week (wait for it) as a flat earther. But, will his new friends accept him for his checkered past and rancid personality traits?
We also get to your listener voicemails and more, so don't forget to be a part of the conversation by calling us at 312-788-7361. We promise we won't pick up the phone, just leave us a voicemail and we'll listen to it while we are on the air, and no sooner. Because that's how dedicated we are to being professional.
Monday Nov 19, 2018
Monday Nov 19, 2018
Wee-oo wee-oo! It's a classic-flavored episode, with Grant and Kevin kicking asses, taking names, and recording a podcast!
Kevin returns again from California to talk about Mega64 GameDays, and a live vieiwng of the Rubin Report. LA, baby, you never know what you're gonna get. We've also got a special message from good boy Rocco Botte of Mega64 that you'll want to hear.
You know, some people have said that listening to Thought Cops is as addicting as cocaine. Scientists said it. And they'd be right, too.
Here's the link to the "Fallout 76 presents an evening with Rick and Morty, featuring Ninja and Logic" articles and videos we mentioned in the episode.
Detective Pikachu goes cliff-diving into the uncanny valley this week and shocks the internet, no pun intended. Actually fuck it, yeah that's what I meant. Anyone playing that new game? Stan Lee passed away this week, and the internet stopped at nothing to uncover what they could about the man who pretty much lived and died by cameo appearances. Live long and prosper, Mr. Lee.
So, if you think that this show is as wacky as Danny DeVito, or Jeff Goldbum, or Nicolas Cage, leave us a voicemail! 312-788-7361. We'll play it on the show, and show you we're a bit random here as well.