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Cleaning up the mean streets of the internet - because somebody's gotta do it. From the cyberpunk hellscape of Neo-Chicago, Officer Kevin and Officer Grant monitor the world wide web so you don't have to. Leave us a voicemail to play on the show: 312-788-7361 or send an audio file to thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com The Thought Cops have deputized a number of your favorite thought leaders, content creators, comedians, online personalities, and more, in their effort to clean up the internet once and for all.
Episodes
Monday Nov 11, 2019
Monday Nov 11, 2019
Vito Gesualdi joins us this week on Thought Cops to help us do heroic shit while wearing capes. You can follow him on Twitter, check out his Youtube channel, and purchase his board game Enemy Weapon here.
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Support the show on Patreon
Field Notes
This week, we get our hands into the Epstein coverup story, which somehow takes second seat to the new Pokemon game that's about to come out. We also spend a lot of time talking about T.I.'s daughter's virginity check-ins, a topic I think we could've all done without knowing.
Not all heroes wear capes, but we might start soon just to make you look like a fucking idiot. Then and only then will Nintendo finally hire us.
Make sure to check out Officer Kevin on Mega64's Poorly Played Stream this Wednesday at 7pm PST/9pm CST on their Twitch channel.
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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Monday Nov 04, 2019
Monday Nov 04, 2019
It's slime time- Slime Da Garbage Mane returns to the show! Check out that track at the end of the episode right here.
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Field Notes
Check out our newest video: Who is WHANG!? - Scary Stories To Tell Online. The ultimate send-up of the one and only Justin Whang. Hey, he had it coming! Don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel for all kinds of exciting new content coming soon!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MPymzZJL2k
Another one bites the dust- millenials have claimed the life of another innocent. This time? The Manhattan Power Lunch. Now, this might have you saying "OK Boomer". And if so, you can get a t-shirt for the sentiment. Unlike our listeners, Netflix is rolling out a new format for lazy and impatient people in which you can watch movies at 1.5x the speed! Art is art, and so is podcasting.
Should we finally buckle down and make a Thought Cops tiktok? Let us know at 312-788-7361.
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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Tuesday Oct 29, 2019
Tuesday Oct 29, 2019
Boo! On this very spooky Halloween special, we've got returning champion Brandon Kirkman of the podcasts Podzooky and Desks and Dayjobs, which are all a part of the Machine Culture Collective, back on Thought Cops for round two!
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Field Notes
We're on Stitcher now! If you use that, make sure to subscribe.
This week we battle against cartoon positive affirmation memes, the candy corn pizza epidemic, and free speech dorks who complain when people use free speech against them. We unmask Pierro Delecto, Mitt Romney's alt twitter account, uncover the plot to genocide deaf people, and unravel the conspiracy that video games have to have anything in them. We also attempt to cock block Dennis Quaid, to no avail.
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Support the show on PatreonClick here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Sunday Oct 20, 2019
Sunday Oct 20, 2019
Good boy Charls Carroll joins us for a special Thought Cops episode, full of laughter and mirth to be had by all. You may know Charls from his days with Million Dollar Extreme and World Peace, or from his project Bombstrap, or even from his Twitch streams. Hell, he even has his own World!
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Field Notes
Boomers got you down? Calling you an incel? Telling you to stop instagramming all the food porn you have saved on your phone? Well, you've come to the right place. Charls has been deputized this episode to help us sort out all of the woes of the internet, and he's got a huge smile on his face the whole time he's doing it.
You know what doesn't make us smile though? LeBron James wrapping his mouth around China's dick. Spongebob Squarepants being a racist colonizer. Ellen DeGeneres making out with Howard Stern to shift the spotlight away from her friendship with a war criminal. Doctors warning women not to put toothpaste in their vaginas to tighten them. THE WORLD HAS GONE CRAZY! MADNESS! MAYHEM! PANDEMONIUM! BEDLAM! Sometimes we could all use our own little world to crawl back into.
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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Monday Oct 14, 2019
Monday Oct 14, 2019
This week on Thought Cops, we're joined by the fantastic Lilith Lovett, aka Medizy! You may know Lilith from her Twitter account, her Twitch streams, or from her appearances on Short Fat Otaku!
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Field Notes
Post your four favorite Jokers and Officers Kevin and Grant will decide whether or not you have rights. That's the Thought Cops promise. If your list doesn't include Mark Hamill's Joker, and if he doesn't have giant anime titties, you're WRONG. If your Joker dances to pedophile music, you're also wrong. If your Joker doesn't say the n-word, to the gulag with you. God I hope we don't have to talk about the fucking Joker anymore on this show.
Speaking of "jokers," South Park manages to get deleted from an entire country for being too offensive. Do the Chinese not have human rights?!? We also talk about Gamer Girl Bath Water Girl getting arrested for getting her hamster stolen and drawing on someone's car and honestly the more I read about her the more I sympathize with the Joker. #weareallclowns
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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Monday Oct 07, 2019
Monday Oct 07, 2019
Konnichiwa! This week on Thought Cops, we're joined by Jake Jacobson, formerly Mark Whitney of the former American Tribune, currently the curator of the This is an Interesting Political Compass page on Facebook. He's here to help promote our joint venture NARUTO RUN AROUND EVERY TRUMP TOWER (IN THE WORLD), an event you should definitely check-in to and invite all your friends to.
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Field Notes
This week, we're taking down one of the biggest culprits to all of the ills of society: Science. I fucking hate it! Followed up by digging up dead people like George Carlin to help us win political arguments for us. And we finally tackle the problem of poor men making less money than women and how that's somehow a microaggression against women because now they have to marry some poor schmuck that makes less money than them. Gotta blame someone for... poverty, I guess.
Also, you can go ahead and throw away your Halloween costume, because apparently Halloween is CANCELLED. And make sure to throw out your husband and your trans child, because according to Hillary Clinton, that's basically the same thing. Although according to this article she didn't so what the fuck do I know. Like comment and subscribe, citizen.
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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Tuesday Oct 01, 2019
Tuesday Oct 01, 2019
We sure do love ya- Garrett Hunter is back on the show! Garrett is a member of the comedy group Mega64, who have been putting out top-tier videos online since 2003. Garrett also hosts a weekly Mega64 streaming/call-in show, the Poorly Played Stream, every Wednesday night over on their twitch channel!
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Field Notes
We announced our exclusive, not to be missed event: Thought Cops' Naruto Run Around Every Trump Tower In The World. Follow the link to RSVP and share on Facebook, no matter where you are, or who you are! Let's change the world together, one shinobi at a time. #NotMyHokage
We also re-appeared on the Hard Men Working Hard's podcast Filler Content this week, and Grant was on a recent episode of the Rich Dickman podcast. Find them wherever podcasts are found!
Joker Update: we're talking about America's favorite joker, The Joker, yet again! This time: the military is involved! Carson King raises over a million dollars for charity, gets cancelled for some posts he did as a teen, and then the canceller who cancelled him gets cancelled. Game on! Justin Trudeau also gets cancelled for being a little too into cosplay, and we talk about live leak fight video comment sections.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Monday Sep 23, 2019
Monday Sep 23, 2019
Mitch up in this bitch (sorry). Mitch Kamaiopili co-runs Slide Into Your DM's- a monthly comedy showcase in Chicago with a D&D twist!
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Field Notes
Cool fanart by Berries n' Cream!
This week, school shootings have gone out of style, but vapes have never been cooler. I guess life is always about trade-offs. We've also got updates about the Shane Gillis firing at SNL. And surprise surprise, everything went about as you'd expect.
Vibe check- do you want this anime girl to break your neck? Tune in to find out more!
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Tuesday Sep 17, 2019
Tuesday Sep 17, 2019
Jack of all trades (sorry Jack): Jack Allison joins us this week! Jack has written for both Jimmy Kimmel and the Academy Awards, and currently hosts the podcast Struggle Session, and a morning show JackAM which streams weekdays on Twitch.
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Field Notes
Guess what? You made the cut on our facebook friends list purge, so you owe it to us to listen to this episode.
SNL attempts to stay relevant as a curious casting choice has the internet in uproar this week. Shane Gillis from Matt And Shane's Secret Podcast was hired and fired from Saturday Night Live as a controversial episode of their show was unearthed. Speaking of controversial, did someone say "vagina bones"? Well, the new Final Fantasy remake has fans curious where they went! But it's not just video games on blast this week- board games aren't content to be left behind as the Parker Brothers grasp at straws with "Ms Monopoly" and "Socialism Monopoly".
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Tuesday Sep 10, 2019
Tuesday Sep 10, 2019
Phone's ringing, pick it up! It's Brad Carter from The Phone Losers of America and The Snow Plow Show, on this week's episode of Thought Cops!
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Field Notes
We've got a whole bunch of updates for you all this week. We have a new episode of Fire Bros, our bonus show, out this week. Also, every bonus episode we've ever done is now time stamped with the material we've covered, so you can skip ahead if you want! And if you're an Honorary Deputy or Red Beret on Patreon, you'll get a credit in any future videos we make! We also have new stickers out in the Thought Cops merch store, so check those out and slap em up wherever you want.
But this week: Brad helps us follow up with Chicken Watch 2019, where people are getting held at gunpoint for not supplying hungry customers with chicken sandwiches. And you all thought the Chicken Wars was a joke.
Speaking of jokes, Hitler has a head tattoo, has a hard time finding a job, and was just convicted of pedophilia. And no, that's not a joke. We finally get to do something we've wanted to do for a long time on this show and punish Hitler. Fuck that guy.
Also in the news, InfoWars returns to Youtube for a day before getting cancelled yet again, and the Joker movie has been under some heavy fire for giving incels some bad ideas about retaliation. At least that's what the internet told me. Which means that's enough internet for the day. Sksk and I oop! Thanks for listening!
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com