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Cleaning up the mean streets of the internet - because somebody's gotta do it. From the cyberpunk hellscape of Neo-Chicago, Officer Kevin and Officer Grant monitor the world wide web so you don't have to. Leave us a voicemail to play on the show: 312-788-7361 or send an audio file to thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com The Thought Cops have deputized a number of your favorite thought leaders, content creators, comedians, online personalities, and more, in their effort to clean up the internet once and for all.
Episodes
Tuesday Feb 02, 2021
Tuesday Feb 02, 2021
Stocks are up- welcome back to another episode of your favorite financial advice podcast, Thought Cops! This week, Joie Agliata of Jump & Shoot Podcast joins us for a rip-roaring good time.
Support the show on Patreon
Field Notes
Ryan Reynolds made a dirty joke this week, and it is literally the only thing anyone can talk about. Well, aside from the internet crashing the stock market, I guess. Stonks!! Lol, just kidding around. You did it, Reddit.
They made Mac & Cheese for ladies now (it's pink), and a new service on twitter called "Bird Watch" threatens the very livelihoods of your two favorite podcast hosts. Don't make us take those annoying personality tests that job applications make you do now.
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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Tuesday Jan 26, 2021
Tuesday Jan 26, 2021
Klopfer Hardly Know'er, Aaron Klopfer joins us once again for another episode of Thought Cops.
Support the show on Patreon
Field Notes
On this week's torture, I mean episode, we talk about a twitter thread about how the Avengers would respond to the Capitol Hill riot, learn the new sexist microagression men keep doing called mask-slipping, and finally reach a breaking point with the internet's new love-hate relationship with sea shanties.
We're planning a big episode for the upcoming 200th Thought Cops, so stay tuned!
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Support the show on Patreon
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Wednesday Jan 20, 2021
Wednesday Jan 20, 2021
Pod's in his heaven, all's right with the world- Mega64's own Shawn Chatfield joins us today to talk about starring in their latest hit video Neon Genesis Evangelion In 5 Minutes (LIVE ACTION) (Sweded), as well as some of his favorite roles and moments over many years of content creation.
Field Notes
Home Alone 2 cast member Donald Trump is set to leave office this week, and fans are requesting that he be digitally removed from the movie, George Lucas style. Taco Bell announces in a creepy video that they are sorry potatoes were taken off their menu, and that they are coming back, virus-free. We talk about different types of neo-liberal cuisine such as sheet cake and wine, unless you're Armie Hammer, in which case you might prefer human flesh.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Wednesday Jan 13, 2021
Wednesday Jan 13, 2021
We're back! Chicago comedian Tristan A. Smith joins us this week, make sure to follow him on Twitter, Instagram, tiktok, and wherever else good content is available.
Field Notes
THE RETURN. This week we have the Liam Peeson Pissspiracy, fake anti-piracy warnings, Donald Trump gets banned from the internet, and that's just the start of things. Kevin Spacey talks the internet down from suicide, Bean Dad is a thing in the news for nearly a full 24 hours before somebody that does improv tries to overthrow the government, pogchamp is now a hate symbol, and cancel culture rears its ugly head at Caillou. Anybody who thought 2021 was gonna be any better than 2020 is in for a rude awakening.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Tuesday Dec 29, 2020
Tuesday Dec 29, 2020
Happy after-holidays, everyone! Didn’t get what you wanted for Christmas or whatever? Well, here’s something else you didn’t ask for: a free episode of our spin-off show, Fire Bros!
iTunes: Listen, subscribe, leave a review
“Fire Bros? W.T.F. is that,” you may be wondering. Well, if you donate at least $2 to us on Patreon, you’ll get access to ALL of the episodes of our spin-off show Fire Bros where we review four different pieces of media each month. Who else but the Thought Cops could determine what is and isn’t safe for public consumption? In this episode, Josh, AKA Sleepscience, joins us as we decide whether to burn or save some of the most hotly contested properties around. Check out the timestamps below and find out:
Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker 8:15
Better Call Saul [S5] 20:56
Tenet 1:16:25
Feels Good Man 1:45:03
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Tuesday Dec 22, 2020
Tuesday Dec 22, 2020
Clownin' around with us this week is Jade Benoit as we close out 2020, thus ushering in a new year in which everything will immediately be fixed.
Field Notes
We have a brand new episode of Fire Bros up for all of our lovely Patreon donors, where we decide whether to burn or save: Borat 2, Brawl in Cell Block 99, Run The Jewels 4, and The Boys season 2. So, uh, help your boys out and don't miss it?
Lots of great stories this week folks, lotta good stuff. You can't say s*mp or *ncel anymore- we'll be going over some of the alternatives in the episode. Pornhub allows only Ch*ckmarks to upload porno onto their platform now, and Joe Paulsef Watson tweets about masks and anal sex. A lot.
Lizzo got caught drinking juice this week, and OnlyFans turns out to be a viable alternative to waiting for the next stimulus package.
Thank you for all your continued support during this shitty year. I know listening to podcasts is probably the last thing on anyone's minds these days, but we love doing it, and hopefully we keep you company and make you laugh once in a while too. See you, Space Cop.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Monday Dec 14, 2020
Monday Dec 14, 2020
Jack Allison is Back Allison this week. That's right, the host of Struggle Session is here once again to talk about getting Grinch-pilled, dunking on idiots on twitter, and so much more.
Field Notes
We have a brand new episode of Fire Bros up for all of our lovely Patreon donors, where we decide whether to burn or save: Borat 2, Brawl in Cell Block 99, Run The Jewels 4, and The Boys season 2. So, uh, help your boys out and don't miss it?
Grant talks about a real battle with technology withdrawal this week, and Kevin expresses grief with the "Age yourself by ____" posts. "Oh, you were born in approximately this year range? Wow, me too!"
California lost another one of it's most important residents this week. Possibly to Texas? Who knows. Disney announced about 60 things at once because brand fatigue means nothing when you sit atop the throne of the Mouse.
Moving along to finer cinema, someone call up Martin Scorsese, 'cause he should make a flick about Cuomo and Fauci! Yeahhh they're like the next fucken, DeNiro and Pacino! Forget about it!
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Tuesday Dec 08, 2020
Tuesday Dec 08, 2020
Back for the threepeat, Slime Da Garbage Mane is here! Check out his social media, his music, and his newest video!
Field Notes
Make sure to check out our Black Friday/Cyber Monday sales going on at the Teespring Store.
This episode exists. But this person might not. Good thing that mf doesn't. Speaking of mf's, Hitler is once again back in the news. I thought we'd gotten rid of him!
Speaking of getting rid of people, this episode we send Casey Neistat back in time to die in one of the multiple ways you could've died in the previous century. Sorry Casey! *Monkey Paw Curls*
We wrap the episode off with one of the best jokes that's been on the show, so you won't want to miss it.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Tuesday Dec 01, 2020
Tuesday Dec 01, 2020
Back again and it's about time too, Lowres Wunderbread is on Thought Cops! Check out his website, Facebook, Patreon, and everything else.
Field Notes
Make sure to check out our Black Friday/Cyber Monday sales going on at the Teespring Store.
We have a new culture war this week, because the war on Christmas wasn't enough of a dumb thing to fight over. Speaking of dumb things, Van Morrison teamed up with Eric Clapton to make another dumb lockdown song.
A new teaser for the Clifford the Big Red Dog Movie dropped, and it looks bad. Surprise surprise. Chappelle's Show was also on Netflix for a day until Dave made an 18 hour long video asking people not to watch it.
We also watch paint dry during the episode.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Tuesday Nov 24, 2020
Tuesday Nov 24, 2020
Don't let your memes be dreams, Berries n' Cream joins the scene for a new Thought Cops, uh, episode! Check out her Instagram and Youtube channel, where you can listen to Gorl Talk.
Field Notes
Black Friday/Cyber Monday is coming up, why not drop by the Thought Cops Merch Store and pick something up for you or a loved one? Or even just a liked one.
Busy week this week on the Thought Cops radar. Twitter rolls out Fleets, which end up clogging the toilet of the internet. Big relieving flushing moment though was when Animal Crossing banned any form of political advertisement. Now we just need everything else to do the same. Speaking of politics, Rudy Giuliani's face melted off during a press conference this week and the image is burned into my brain. The Pope is also on trial for not being a p*dophile and liking an Instagram post of a scantily clad adult woman. Godspeed, you heterosexual teleiophile.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com