June 20, 2018
Quick, come inside, you're just in time for Thought Cops, "Episode 71"! This week we're joined by Tab, also known as Madcucks. Tab is the co-host of the podcast Here's What I Don't Get, and is our second guest to survive the infamous Lolsuit.
This week, we get into all sorts of trouble. Daddy-daughter dances, Albert Einstein's theory of racism, and lots of E3 drama! Has Waluigi become the new Pickle Rick? You'll have to listen to find out! Grant, cue the "Thought Cops Gaming Corner" theme, please.
Speaking of games, it's a bad week to be a nerd. Chris Hardwick proves once again that maybe epic bacon... isn't so epic after all. Points! And hey, stick around after the episode for AMC's recap show "Talking Cops".
As always, don't forget to leave us a 5-star review on iTunes and we'll read it at the end of the episode. Too lazy to do even that much? Leave us a voicemail at 312-788-7361 and we'll play it on the show. If this episode was any indication, it doesn't need to be even remotely sober. Or coherent. Doesn't even have to be in English if you don't want.
Thanks again, and don't forget to subscribe to us on Patreon for even more content and goodies. Be on the lookout for Episode 3 of our Bonus Episode, out in a few days!
June 11, 2018
Welcome to Episode 70 of thoughtcops.butts! This week, we're joined by Jake and Ron of Big Sword Panel, who help us ring in 10,000 DOWNLOADS of Thought Cops with a freshly opened bottle of Jeppson's Malort. Jeppson's Malort: now when people tell you to pick your poison, you can!
We have a good amount of voicemails to go through this episode, plus we try and clear the air on the Asterios vomit audio from last episode and the mess that I created when I told him to put it on patreon.com/asterios and sell it.
This week, we talk about IHOP turning into... IHOb??? Plus the Miss America pageant cancels the swimsuit competition, much to the dismay of all the 80 year old men that get off watching it. Put it back in your pants, grandpa. Speaking of putting things in their rightful places, Google puts the egg in their salad emoji back in its rightful place: up their own asses.
We also tackle the "okay, for everyone who didn't get the joke" responses to tweets, the “unpopular opinion” popular opinion trend of taking a popular opinion and saying that it’s unpopular in an attempt to make the world’s coldest hot take, and Bernie Sanders fights Alex Jones in the ultimate shinobi showdown at the Valley of the End. All this and more on Episode 70 of Thought Cops.
Don't forget to leave us a five star review on iTunes, we've run out of them to read at the end of the episode. So get your voice heard! We've also submitted our show to Spotify, so hopefully in a number of weeks you'll be able to listen to it on there.
June 4, 2018
Nobody fixes anybody's life, and everything gets worse: welcome to Thought Cops. Episode 69, nice. The year is 2019, and this week we're joined once again by Asterios Kokkinos. He just survived the New York court system and is back to tell us all about it. Check out his Patreon, patreon.com/asterios, to see the court transcripts of his ramshackle affair. Can anyone say COUNTERSUIT?!?!?
This episode, we talk about truck vloggers, the LeBron vs. Jordan debate, and hot takes about Jordan Peterson. We also talk at length about Roseanne's cancellation, Samantha Bee's insult slinging, and the Asian Hair Streak trope in movies.
Leave us a voicemail at 312-788-7361, leave us an iTunes review, and SUBSCRIBE TO PATREONDOTCOMSLASHASTERIOS. Also we have one. Thank you.
May 29, 2018
Kneel (or stand) before your podcast overlords, it's Thought Cops episode 68! This week, Dan Bach joins us to talk about the hard hitting issues of the week, such as cartoons. Speaking of men in their 30s who are angry about cartoons, did you know you can get sued by your parents for not moving out of the house? CNN investigates:
Oh yeah, we also get really into furry political discourse.
In times like these, it's always easier to turn to fantasy for relief, such as pansexual reveries in outer space. If I were in space, I'd fuck everything that moves, much like fictional character Lando Calrissian from the hit movie "Star Wars".
As always, leave us a review on iTunes and a voicemail at 312-788-7361-- we'll even play that shit on the show. So tell your friends: the Thought Cops are on the beat.
May 22, 2018
Welcome to This is America: Podcaster's Edit. Episode 67 of Thought Cops is here to white privilege you right in the dick. This week we're joined by Ari Grabb, animator extraordinaire. He's worked on such project's as Neil deGrasse Tyson's Cosmos and Adult Swim's new show Hot Streets. Here's a link to his Youtube channel. And here's his website.
We've got two new submissions to the Brouroboros competition, from David of Dreamkeepers, and from @flesh_hollow on Twitter, respectively:
We talk about it on the episode, but we might do some sort of a patch or a sticker for some of these, splitting the revenue with whoever's art wins. We're still figuring it out.
BUT THIS WEEK, we're talking movie snobs, going off the grid and feeling "left behind," "journalists" adding "and that's a good thing" to the end of every headline, the great "Yanni or Laurel" debate, Millenials trying Chick-Fil-A for the first time, and Nicole Arbor's take on Childish Gambino's This is America.
Like always, leave us a voicemail about our bounce house at 312-788-7361, and drop us a five star review on iTunes so we can read it on the show.
May 15, 2018
Happy "Winesday!!!"~~ Welcome to "Wine and Thought Crime," here on 69.6 WKUK the Cuck! The only podcast where we don't keep going unless the wine keeps flowing! 🍷🌺🍷
Galpals Karen and Gwen get into some really tricky topics this week- yikes! Well, it's like we always say here on the show, "if you can't do the time, don't drink the wine"! That's right, and this week's gossip comes directly from THE place to be this week- the Met Gala!
Did you hear? Grimes showed up at the event with none other than Mr. Moneybags himself, Elon Musk! Well, that's a bombshell and a half! Haha! But I'm not saying I wouldn't do a few things and pull a few strings to see a piece of that epic bacon money...
We also talk french acrylic nails (SO 2001), why white people shouldn't take drugs from indigenous cultures, and the future of Nintendo's classic gaming library on current-gen consoles.
Watch out for the "popo" mobile, cause we're drinkin' wine, and there's ALL sorts of thought crime! So, thanks for listening, and don't be afraid to leave us a voicemail at 312-788-7361. And hey, it wouldn't hurt if you had a few glasses of cabernet in ya! Haha!
May 7, 2018
Welcome to Episode 65 of Thought Cops! This week we team up with Connor of the Thot Police, because sometimes we all need reinforcements.
Following up with our Brouroboros contest, here's Ben Carson's submission:
Email or tweet us your submission at email@example.com.
Here's the Dave Rubin video we were making fun of, plus the best campaign ad I've ever seen before in my entire life, featuring Don Blankenship:
This week, the Thought Cops and the Thot Police take on the White House Correspondents' Dinner, Chinese prom dresses, DJ Khaled's pussy-free diet, Ellen Pao's solution to incels, anti-porn laws, and idiots that don't understand how to respond to Twitter threads properly.
Don't forget to leave us a five star iTunes review so we can read it on the show. Byeeeeeeeeeeee.
May 2, 2018
Presented in mind-bending 64-bit graphics, welcome to Thought Cops episode 64! This week we're joined in-studio by Mr. Ben Carson who draws pictures of us. In addition, joining us from Neo-Michigan, we chat with David from Dreamkeepers! Here's a video of the cartoon pilot "Hard Crime" that he pitched to Comedy Central:
We also challenged our listeners to draw their best Brouroboros: the infinite loop of a bro sucking his own dick. Please see the image below for reference.
Send us your best attempts at firstname.lastname@example.org, or tweet them at us! We want to turn this into some sort of a contest.
This week we talk about the endless void of movie remakes, dismissive retorts propped up by Favs, Likes, and RTs, sectarian political facebook groups, and stupid condescending messages when you turn down promotional things on websites.
This week, Kanye is back on twitter. And we can't seem to stop thinking about his every move. I can't stop scratching my head in frustration... or maybe that's the shampoo I got at my hotel. They never have the kind I'm allowed to use.
As always, don't forget to leave us a five star review on iTunes so we can read it at the end of the episode. And while you're at it, leave us a voicemail: 312-788-7361. We'll play it on the air and do whatever you say, boss.
April 24, 2018
Welcome to Episode 63 of Thought Cops! This week, we're joined by the very funny, the very talented, the very beautiful, Mumkey Jones from Youtube! He's also on Patreon, and is soon to be releasing a book. Here's one of his more notable videos where he interviews Pickle REE, the guy who jumped on a counter at McDonald's demanding szechuan sauce:
This week, we talk about entitled millionaire Philip "Fuck Me Eyes" DeFranco, chanting protest phrases on Twitter, and people bitching about people celebrating 420. Most of them are sentenced to getting launched into the sun.
We also throw barrels at Billy Mitchell for cheating at Donkey Kong, make minimum wage earning workers at Starbucks sit through racial sensitivity seminars for National "Try Our Competitor" Day, watch as Morrissey loses his status as a progressive icon, and rip men's feet off when they wear them in the city.
Speaking of the Donkey Kong thing, here's the video I referenced in the episode:
We're releasing a new bonus episode this week, so don't forget to subscribe to our Patreon. Also don't forget to leave us a five star review on iTunes so we can read it at the end of the episode.
April 18, 2018
Welcome to Thought Cops! Episode 62. Kevin's back from his trip to Los Angeles to find the American dream, but instead ended up coming back with a $50 piece of avocado toast.
This episode was packed with outrage. The Simpsons respond to controversy. Taylor Swift covers Earth, Wind, and Fire, and that's racist because she's white. Moby hates poor people. Bully Hunters becomes a thing and then all of a sudden it's not. A female journalist gets teabagged in a video game. We should honestly be getting paid overtime for this shit, because we're barely keeping up with all of it.
Also this episode, Brad from the Phone Losers of America leaves us a voicemail to get some free advertising. Check them out. I also mention David and Liz from the online comic Dreamkeepers, who streamed an episode of ours while working on their art.
We also have two challenges for our fans, one of which may elicit some sort of a prize. The first challenge is to find a way to get strangers/non-listeners to call 312-788-7361 and leave us a voicemail. The second challenge is to draw a picture of a Brouroboros, which is a "bro" that's eternally sucking his own dick. Email it to email@example.com and we'll figure out some sort of a contest for this, but start getting those colored pencils out.