Thought Cops: Episode 58

March 21, 2018

Hello, and welcome to episode 58 of Thought Cops! Live from the city of Yew Nork on March 21st, the Year of Malort. This week, we're joined by Jake of Big Sword Panel and Ben Carson. Not the brain surgeon, the guy who did our awesome artwork.

This episode, we talk about stupid movie trailers, celebrity death catharsis, unsolicited social media followers, Elon Musk's foray into the world of comedy, Luigi's penis, Lara Croft's boobs, and United's competition with PETA to see who can kill the most animals.

Don't forget to leave us a review on iTunes if you haven't already. Also, don't forget to subscribe to our two dollar tier on our Patreon for our monthly bonus episodes. Right now there's only one episode, but a new month approaches so get on that shit.

Thought Cops: Episode 57

March 14, 2018

Welcome to Episode 57 of Thought Cops! This week, we're joined by Deputy Josh, who makes up 100% of our South Korean fan base. Everyone give him a big "Konnichiwa."

Before we start off about this week, some news and announcements. First off, hello to any and all new listeners. This weekend alone, both Thought Cops were on Asterios's Kokkino's's Science Friction bonus episode, Engineer Riley's podcast Anti-Social Engineering, and Officer Grant was on an episode of Dick Masterson's The Dick Show. So if you're from any of those places: welcome, and hope you enjoy the show! Don't forget to subscribe and rate us on iTunes if you wish. We're glad to have you.

THIS WEEK though, we're outraged about people trademarking Mundane Phrases™, overly performative reaction videos to video games and anime, and strangely beautiful halo brows.

This episode we begin a new segment called "Beef Before Potatoes," in which we start a beef with Rucka Rucka Ali for posting this obscene plagiarism of our logo. Catch him alive and turn him in and we'll give you a free bonus episode.

We also share our thoughts on the Oscars, Brooklyn Barbecue taking over the world, McDonald's flipping its logo upside down because Wario took over the company, Tupac being boring, white supremacist podcasts, and inclusion riders. This is one you're not going to want to miss.

Don't forget to drop us a voicemail at 312-788-7361. If that's the wrong number, please don't call it and pretend to be Osama Bin Laden. Also follow us on Twitter if you haven't already, at @realthoughtcops for all your outrage needs.

Thought Cops: Episode 56

March 5, 2018

Welcome to Episode 56 of Thought Cops! This week, we're joined by Mike Mancini of The Black Sheep and formerly of Booze Before Noon, R.I.P. in Peace. Booze Before Noon, not Mike Mancini.

This episode, we're talking Porn Viruses, the use of the "n-word" while studying law at DePaul, fat-shaming cancer research ads, @carloscruz2016, boners sticking out of sleeping bags, Kim Kardashian's anime obsession, and much, much more.

Thanks for listening!

Thought Cops: Episode 55

February 27, 2018

Welcome to Episode 55 of Thought Cops! This week, we're joined by Gumshoe Russel from Surf Party USA.

This episode, we pour ourselves a nice cold glass of chocolate milk to celebrate diversity, as we talk about Gucci Turbans, Fergie destroying America's freedom, people proving Steven Crowder wrong, and Christian apologist Dinesh D'Souza takes some grieving teenagers down a peg. Here's a live video of that:

Also, here's an awesome animation B. Cupcheeks did for us. Check him out on Instagram.

In case you need some brain bleach after this week, we'll be recording our first ever bonus episode this upcoming weekend. You can find it at for the low price of $2 a month. So sign up and stay tuned.

Like always, drop us a subscribe and a review on iTunes, leave us a voicemail at 773-788-7361, and follow our Twatter.

Thought Cops: Episode 54

February 20, 2018

Welcome to Thought Cops! This week, we're joined by our show's Stenographer, who still hasn't done a single transcript of the show. We're going to drop her pay another 7%. What's 7% of zero?

Speaking of pay, make sure to sign up for our Patreon, at We're going to do our first bonus episode in the next week or two, and it's only $2. Hurry while supplies last! We've already started doing live streams of the episodes, which we'll be doing every week.

This episode, we're talking about Bitcoin carnivores, the "RANCH!" meme, people watching Netflix while walking on public sidewalks, the Peter Rabbit controversy, and the Obama portraits.

Thanks to everyone who's left reviews on iTunes recently. If you haven't yet, you can do so here. Thanks and gahbless.

Thought Cops: Episode 53

February 13, 2018

Welcome to Thought Cops, Episode 53! This week we're joined by Biggest Mikey of the Biggest Mikey Podcast! You can find him on Twitter, Youtube, Patreon, iTunes, and fuckin a hundred other places if you Google his name. So make sure to give his show a listen, I think fans of this show would enjoy his show very much.

This episode, Mikey helps us take down people in online bloodsports, people who use the fake movie format meme, and idiotic scientific studies that only serve to project a cartoonish worldview, much like you would see on Toon Town.

But this week's top story is Black Panther getting a bad review. One person gave the movie a 3/5 on Rotten Tomatoes, and humanity decided to give him a 1/5 as a person. We're currently working on getting Rotten Tomatoes taken off the internet. We also talk about non-crunching, quiet, lady-Doritos that may or may not exist, and the backlash against Amy Schumer's new movie. Because although Amy Schumer is fat and ugly, she's not fat enough and not ugly enough for some people. Yeah, you read that right.

We're gearing up to do our first bonus episode on Patreon, so make sure to subscribe here. We'll do at least one every month, and they're only $2. With "Thought Cops" being 1984 related, the name of the bonus episodes are going to be something having to do with Fahrenheit 451. Expect to see the first one within a month.

We're also working on a new logo, so make sure to SUBSCRIBE TO US ON PATREON so we can pay for it!



Thought Cops: Episode 52

February 6, 2018

Welcome to episode 52 of Thought Cops! This week, we're joined by Dave Pretendo of SephirothSword57 fame. Here's one of his hilarious videos regarding the recent Logan Paul controversy. Take a look:

This week, considering we've hit episode 52, marks almost a year since we started the podcast. So to celebrate that, we're announcing our very own PATREON! To give you the rundown, we have different rewards for monthly bonus episodes, behind the scenes videos, and much more! All the money we collect from the Patreon will go back into paying for the show's expenses, like the RSS feed and web hosting. Make sure to check it out and donate a couple bucks so we can continue to make this show the best it can be.

Like always, thanks for listening. Please make sure to subscribe and review us on iTunes. Call us at 312-788-7361 and leave us a voicemail. Oh, and SUBSCRIBE TO OUR PATREON!

Thought Cops: Episode 51

January 31, 2018

Welcome to episode 51 of Thought Cops! This week we're joined by Riley of the podcast Antisocial Engineering!

This week we talk Netflix boycotts and bans due to Monique and Tom Segura. We also talk about BITCONNECT! and how to lose all your Bitcoins by giving them to a website that most people online have called a ponzi scheme for years.

We also bring up China's ban on hip-hop (not surprising) and the shattering of glass ceilings across America as Reba McEntire assumes the role of the first female Colonel Sanders. Equality at last.

We also got this badass artwork from B. Cup Cheeks. Check it out:

We also made a video for the Donald Trump 64 rap from a few episodes back. Watch it here:

Like always, drop us a voicemail at 312-788-7361, rate and subscribe on iTunes, and something else. And remember: Don't get eliminated!

Thought Cops: Episode 50

January 25, 2018

Welcome to Episode 50 of Thought Cops! I don't know how we got here, but we're here now after almost a year, serving up hot internet justice every week for 50 weeks in a row. Big thanks to everyone who listened, subscribed, commented, left a voicemail, left an email, called in as a guest, shared with a friend, or helped support the show in any way. There's still a lot more to come. The fan base is getting bigger, we're planning more new content, more guests, and it's exciting to see this project of ours continue to grow into its own eclectic community with its own sort of lore.

To celebrate 50 episodes, we thought it would be cool to fill the studio with a ton of past guests, crack open a bottle of Malort, and talk over each other for an hour in a half. On this episode we have Deputies Ron, Robbie, Henry, Mark, and newcomer Brian as guests. It might sound like aural murder, but it was a ton of fun to record this one and get everyone together. THE Ken Bone also drops us a voicemail. I'm not kidding, he actually left us a voicemail this episode. Make sure to tweet the hashtag #kenbonegoonthoughtcops at him so we can interview him over Skype.

This week, we talk about the Nintendo Labo, comment on The State of the Internet, everyone does a two minutes of hate, everyone does a shot of Malort or a lot more than that and loses count, and then burn Aziz Ansari, the 50th episode's sacrificial lamb. We also take a parody of Ellen's "epic" selfie, and even get Oprah in on the action.

Thanks for listening.

Thought Cops: Episode 49

January 16, 2018

Ope! Welcome to episode 49 of Thought Cops. This week, we're joined by Deputy Blake and Deputy Blake's Cousin Deputy Justin. They're starting their own spin-off podcast called Kissing Kousins, that's right, with three two K's. Also, I'm just kidding.

This week, we try and find out who's the real person and who's the alter ego between Buck Hunter and Nate Underarmor. We also talk about the Golden Globes and how the internet collectively lost their remotes right after everyone turned it on.

Speaking of the Golden Globes, we have Oprah's speech that guarantees her presidency, Connie Britton's $300 "Poverty is Sexist" shirt, Natalie Portman's funny joke, and Roseanne's long awaited return to television. We also mention the lore of Ugandan Knuckles, and the H&M sweatshirt controversy.

Watch who you're walking into when you turn the corner, and how loud you're Ope!ing, because you never know what you're gonna Ope. Don't forget to drop us a comment, leave us a voicemail at 312-788-7361, and rate and subscribe to us on iTunes. And don't forget to subscribe to us on the Gorilla Channel.