Thought Cops: Episode 63

April 24, 2018

Welcome to Episode 63 of Thought Cops! This week, we're joined by the very funny, the very talented, the very beautiful, Mumkey Jones from Youtube! He's also on Patreon, and is soon to be releasing a book. Here's one of his more notable videos where he interviews Pickle REE, the guy who jumped on a counter at McDonald's demanding szechuan sauce:

This week, we talk about entitled millionaire Philip "Fuck Me Eyes" DeFranco, chanting protest phrases on Twitter, and people bitching about people celebrating 420. Most of them are sentenced to getting launched into the sun.

We also throw barrels at Billy Mitchell for cheating at Donkey Kong, make minimum wage earning workers at Starbucks sit through racial sensitivity seminars for National "Try Our Competitor" Day, watch as Morrissey loses his status as a progressive icon, and rip men's feet off when they wear them in the city.

Speaking of the Donkey Kong thing, here's the video I referenced in the episode:

We're releasing a new bonus episode this week, so don't forget to subscribe to our Patreon. Also don't forget to leave us a five star review on iTunes so we can read it at the end of the episode.

Thought Cops: Episode 62

April 18, 2018

Welcome to Thought Cops! Episode 62. Kevin's back from his trip to Los Angeles to find the American dream, but instead ended up coming back with a $50 piece of avocado toast.

This episode was packed with outrage. The Simpsons respond to controversy. Taylor Swift covers Earth, Wind, and Fire, and that's racist because she's white. Moby hates poor people. Bully Hunters becomes a thing and then all of a sudden it's not. A female journalist gets teabagged in a video game. We should honestly be getting paid overtime for this shit, because we're barely keeping up with all of it.

Also this episode, Brad from the Phone Losers of America leaves us a voicemail to get some free advertising. Check them out. I also mention David and Liz from the online comic Dreamkeepers, who streamed an episode of ours while working on their art.

We also have two challenges for our fans, one of which may elicit some sort of a prize. The first challenge is to find a way to get strangers/non-listeners to call 312-788-7361 and leave us a voicemail. The second challenge is to draw a picture of a Brouroboros, which is a "bro" that's eternally sucking his own dick. Email it to and we'll figure out some sort of a contest for this, but start getting those colored pencils out.

Thought Cops: Episode 61

April 11, 2018

Welcome to Episode 61 of Thought Cops! This week, we're joined by Lil Slime aka SpookyboiUWU aka kevin watch the light dude aka this guy:

You won't get it unless you're a 90's kid.

This episode, we talk about the troubling trend of irresponsible, one-sided gaming articles plaguing our country. Also though, we talk about Soundcloud clout goblins, garlic that comes out in a single clove, the yodeling boy, "Zayn" from "One Direction," Google forgetting to doodle Easter, and millennials snorting condoms I guess.

Our very own Officer Kevin was on this week's episode of the Dick Show with Dick Masterson. Check it out here!

Smash that subscribe button!

Thought Cops: Episode 60

April 3, 2018

Welcome to Episode 60 of Thought Cops! Tonight, the Cops welcome local Chicago comedian Aaron Klopfer.

This week, we're punishing people using the new brackets meme, identity thieves, unsolicited pleas from Soundcloud artists, and kids I went to school with in Kindergarten that make up rhymes to make you take less time at the drinking fountain.

Also, we cover the possible revival of Last Man Standing, if Seinfeld or Friends were rebooted who the Trump voter would be, Jim Carrey's artistic depictions of the President, and the public's need for a Disney princess who's had an abortion.

We also got a cool fan art from @mattcirc on Twitter. Check it out! He put more effort into this picture than we put into our logo. Thanks Matt!

Don't forget to drop us a review on iTunes. Starting next episode, we're going to start closing out episodes with the five star reviews on our iTunes page. We'll read anything you write. No n-words please.

Also subscribe to our Patreon. Officer Kevin's going to be going out to L.A. in a week, and we're going to record bonus episode number 2 around the week of the 20th. So get on it! Namaste.

Thought Cops: Episode 59

March 27, 2018

Welcome to Thought Cops, Episode 59! Tonight, Jay welcomes: Zwick, audio engineer and producer extraordinaire! AKA, the guy that edits audio for Asterios Kokkinos. You can find him on twitter at @dude2o. Or if you're angry at him for some reason, @dude20.

This week, we're hating for a full 2 minutes on the real color of tennis balls, professional journalist Pim Tool, and people who brag about how they aren’t going to watch problematic content creator’s content. Here's the Tim Pool video Zwick referenced in the episode:

We also talk about the Count Dankula verdict and Ricky Gervais' newest special. Count Dankula is the guy who was recently convicted in Scotland for the crime of teaching his girlfriend's pug to do a Nazi salute. Yeah, seriously.

With him being found guilty of being offensive, there's barely a reason for us to keep doing this show. Just kidding, tweet all your hate speech to @policescotland because fuck those people. It won't change anything, but it might make you feel better.

In the meantime, check out our Patreon, leave us a review on iTunes, and leave us a voicemail at 312-788-7361.

Thought Cops: Episode 58

March 21, 2018

Hello, and welcome to episode 58 of Thought Cops! Live from the city of Yew Nork on March 21st, the Year of Malort. This week, we're joined by Jake of Big Sword Panel and Ben Carson. Not the brain surgeon, the guy who did our awesome artwork.

This episode, we talk about stupid movie trailers, celebrity death catharsis, unsolicited social media followers, Elon Musk's foray into the world of comedy, Luigi's penis, Lara Croft's boobs, and United's competition with PETA to see who can kill the most animals.

Don't forget to leave us a review on iTunes if you haven't already. Also, don't forget to subscribe to our two dollar tier on our Patreon for our monthly bonus episodes. Right now there's only one episode, but a new month approaches so get on that shit.

Thought Cops: Episode 57

March 14, 2018

Welcome to Episode 57 of Thought Cops! This week, we're joined by Deputy Josh, who makes up 100% of our South Korean fan base. Everyone give him a big "Konnichiwa."

Before we start off about this week, some news and announcements. First off, hello to any and all new listeners. This weekend alone, both Thought Cops were on Asterios's Kokkino's's Science Friction bonus episode, Engineer Riley's podcast Anti-Social Engineering, and Officer Grant was on an episode of Dick Masterson's The Dick Show. So if you're from any of those places: welcome, and hope you enjoy the show! Don't forget to subscribe and rate us on iTunes if you wish. We're glad to have you.

THIS WEEK though, we're outraged about people trademarking Mundane Phrases™, overly performative reaction videos to video games and anime, and strangely beautiful halo brows.

This episode we begin a new segment called "Beef Before Potatoes," in which we start a beef with Rucka Rucka Ali for posting this obscene plagiarism of our logo. Catch him alive and turn him in and we'll give you a free bonus episode.

We also share our thoughts on the Oscars, Brooklyn Barbecue taking over the world, McDonald's flipping its logo upside down because Wario took over the company, Tupac being boring, white supremacist podcasts, and inclusion riders. This is one you're not going to want to miss.

Don't forget to drop us a voicemail at 312-788-7361. If that's the wrong number, please don't call it and pretend to be Osama Bin Laden. Also follow us on Twitter if you haven't already, at @realthoughtcops for all your outrage needs.

Thought Cops: Episode 56

March 5, 2018

Welcome to Episode 56 of Thought Cops! This week, we're joined by Mike Mancini of The Black Sheep and formerly of Booze Before Noon, R.I.P. in Peace. Booze Before Noon, not Mike Mancini.

This episode, we're talking Porn Viruses, the use of the "n-word" while studying law at DePaul, fat-shaming cancer research ads, @carloscruz2016, boners sticking out of sleeping bags, Kim Kardashian's anime obsession, and much, much more.

Thanks for listening!

Thought Cops: Episode 55

February 27, 2018

Welcome to Episode 55 of Thought Cops! This week, we're joined by Gumshoe Russel from Surf Party USA.

This episode, we pour ourselves a nice cold glass of chocolate milk to celebrate diversity, as we talk about Gucci Turbans, Fergie destroying America's freedom, people proving Steven Crowder wrong, and Christian apologist Dinesh D'Souza takes some grieving teenagers down a peg. Here's a live video of that:

Also, here's an awesome animation B. Cupcheeks did for us. Check him out on Instagram.

In case you need some brain bleach after this week, we'll be recording our first ever bonus episode this upcoming weekend. You can find it at for the low price of $2 a month. So sign up and stay tuned.

Like always, drop us a subscribe and a review on iTunes, leave us a voicemail at 773-788-7361, and follow our Twatter.

Thought Cops: Episode 54

February 20, 2018

Welcome to Thought Cops! This week, we're joined by our show's Stenographer, who still hasn't done a single transcript of the show. We're going to drop her pay another 7%. What's 7% of zero?

Speaking of pay, make sure to sign up for our Patreon, at We're going to do our first bonus episode in the next week or two, and it's only $2. Hurry while supplies last! We've already started doing live streams of the episodes, which we'll be doing every week.

This episode, we're talking about Bitcoin carnivores, the "RANCH!" meme, people watching Netflix while walking on public sidewalks, the Peter Rabbit controversy, and the Obama portraits.

Thanks to everyone who's left reviews on iTunes recently. If you haven't yet, you can do so here. Thanks and gahbless.