Thought Cops: Episode 67

May 22, 2018

Welcome to This is America: Podcaster's Edit. Episode 67 of Thought Cops is here to white privilege you right in the dick. This week we're joined by Ari Grabb, animator extraordinaire. He's worked on such project's as Neil deGrasse Tyson's Cosmos and Adult Swim's new show Hot Streets. Here's a link to his Youtube channel. And here's his website.

We've got two new submissions to the Brouroboros competition, from David of Dreamkeepers, and from @flesh_hollow on Twitter, respectively:

We talk about it on the episode, but we might do some sort of a patch or a sticker for some of these, splitting the revenue with whoever's art wins. We're still figuring it out.

BUT THIS WEEK, we're talking movie snobs, going off the grid and feeling "left behind," "journalists" adding "and that's a good thing" to the end of every headline, the great "Yanni or Laurel" debate, Millenials trying Chick-Fil-A for the first time, and Nicole Arbor's take on Childish Gambino's This is America.

Like always, leave us a voicemail about our bounce house at 312-788-7361, and drop us a five star review on iTunes so we can read it on the show.

Thought Cops: Episode 66

May 15, 2018

Happy "Winesday!!!"~~ Welcome to "Wine and Thought Crime," here on 69.6 WKUK the Cuck! The only podcast where we don't keep going unless the wine keeps flowing! 🍷🌺🍷

Galpals Karen and Gwen get into some really tricky topics this week- yikes! Well, it's like we always say here on the show, "if you can't do the time, don't drink the wine"! That's right, and this week's gossip comes directly from THE place to be this week- the Met Gala!

Did you hear? Grimes showed up at the event with none other than Mr. Moneybags himself, Elon Musk! Well, that's a bombshell and a half! Haha! But I'm not saying I wouldn't do a few things and pull a few strings to see a piece of that epic bacon money...

We also talk french acrylic nails (SO 2001), why white people shouldn't take drugs from indigenous cultures, and the future of Nintendo's classic gaming library on current-gen consoles.

Watch out for the "popo" mobile, cause we're drinkin' wine, and there's ALL sorts of thought crime! So, thanks for listening, and don't be afraid to leave us a voicemail at 312-788-7361. And hey, it wouldn't hurt if you had a few glasses of cabernet in ya! Haha!

Thought Cops: Episode 65

May 7, 2018

Welcome to Episode 65 of Thought Cops! This week we team up with Connor of the Thot Police, because sometimes we all need reinforcements.

Following up with our Brouroboros contest, here's Ben Carson's submission:

Email or tweet us your submission at

Here's the Dave Rubin video we were making fun of, plus the best campaign ad I've ever seen before in my entire life, featuring Don Blankenship:

This week, the Thought Cops and the Thot Police take on the White House Correspondents' Dinner, Chinese prom dresses, DJ Khaled's pussy-free diet, Ellen Pao's solution to incels, anti-porn laws, and idiots that don't understand how to respond to Twitter threads properly.

Don't forget to leave us a five star iTunes review so we can read it on the show. Byeeeeeeeeeeee.

Thought Cops: Episode 64

May 2, 2018

Presented in mind-bending 64-bit graphics, welcome to Thought Cops episode 64! This week we're joined in-studio by Mr. Ben Carson who draws pictures of us. In addition, joining us from Neo-Michigan, we chat with David from Dreamkeepers! Here's a video of the cartoon pilot "Hard Crime" that he pitched to Comedy Central:

We also challenged our listeners to draw their best Brouroboros: the infinite loop of a bro sucking his own dick. Please see the image below for reference.

Send us your best attempts at, or tweet them at us! We want to turn this into some sort of a contest.

This week we talk about the endless void of movie remakes, dismissive retorts propped up by Favs, Likes, and RTs, sectarian political facebook groups, and stupid condescending messages when you turn down promotional things on websites.

This week, Kanye is back on twitter. And we can't seem to stop thinking about his every move.  I can't stop scratching my head in frustration... or maybe that's the shampoo I got at my hotel. They never have the kind I'm allowed to use.

As always, don't forget to leave us a five star review on iTunes so we can read it at the end of the episode. And while you're at it, leave us a voicemail: 312-788-7361. We'll play it on the air and do whatever you say, boss.

Thought Cops: Episode 63

April 24, 2018

Welcome to Episode 63 of Thought Cops! This week, we're joined by the very funny, the very talented, the very beautiful, Mumkey Jones from Youtube! He's also on Patreon, and is soon to be releasing a book. Here's one of his more notable videos where he interviews Pickle REE, the guy who jumped on a counter at McDonald's demanding szechuan sauce:

This week, we talk about entitled millionaire Philip "Fuck Me Eyes" DeFranco, chanting protest phrases on Twitter, and people bitching about people celebrating 420. Most of them are sentenced to getting launched into the sun.

We also throw barrels at Billy Mitchell for cheating at Donkey Kong, make minimum wage earning workers at Starbucks sit through racial sensitivity seminars for National "Try Our Competitor" Day, watch as Morrissey loses his status as a progressive icon, and rip men's feet off when they wear them in the city.

Speaking of the Donkey Kong thing, here's the video I referenced in the episode:

We're releasing a new bonus episode this week, so don't forget to subscribe to our Patreon. Also don't forget to leave us a five star review on iTunes so we can read it at the end of the episode.

Thought Cops: Episode 62

April 18, 2018

Welcome to Thought Cops! Episode 62. Kevin's back from his trip to Los Angeles to find the American dream, but instead ended up coming back with a $50 piece of avocado toast.

This episode was packed with outrage. The Simpsons respond to controversy. Taylor Swift covers Earth, Wind, and Fire, and that's racist because she's white. Moby hates poor people. Bully Hunters becomes a thing and then all of a sudden it's not. A female journalist gets teabagged in a video game. We should honestly be getting paid overtime for this shit, because we're barely keeping up with all of it.

Also this episode, Brad from the Phone Losers of America leaves us a voicemail to get some free advertising. Check them out. I also mention David and Liz from the online comic Dreamkeepers, who streamed an episode of ours while working on their art.

We also have two challenges for our fans, one of which may elicit some sort of a prize. The first challenge is to find a way to get strangers/non-listeners to call 312-788-7361 and leave us a voicemail. The second challenge is to draw a picture of a Brouroboros, which is a "bro" that's eternally sucking his own dick. Email it to and we'll figure out some sort of a contest for this, but start getting those colored pencils out.

Thought Cops: Episode 61

April 11, 2018

Welcome to Episode 61 of Thought Cops! This week, we're joined by Lil Slime aka SpookyboiUWU aka kevin watch the light dude aka this guy:

You won't get it unless you're a 90's kid.

This episode, we talk about the troubling trend of irresponsible, one-sided gaming articles plaguing our country. Also though, we talk about Soundcloud clout goblins, garlic that comes out in a single clove, the yodeling boy, "Zayn" from "One Direction," Google forgetting to doodle Easter, and millennials snorting condoms I guess.

Our very own Officer Kevin was on this week's episode of the Dick Show with Dick Masterson. Check it out here!

Smash that subscribe button!

Thought Cops: Episode 60

April 3, 2018

Welcome to Episode 60 of Thought Cops! Tonight, the Cops welcome local Chicago comedian Aaron Klopfer.

This week, we're punishing people using the new brackets meme, identity thieves, unsolicited pleas from Soundcloud artists, and kids I went to school with in Kindergarten that make up rhymes to make you take less time at the drinking fountain.

Also, we cover the possible revival of Last Man Standing, if Seinfeld or Friends were rebooted who the Trump voter would be, Jim Carrey's artistic depictions of the President, and the public's need for a Disney princess who's had an abortion.

We also got a cool fan art from @mattcirc on Twitter. Check it out! He put more effort into this picture than we put into our logo. Thanks Matt!

Don't forget to drop us a review on iTunes. Starting next episode, we're going to start closing out episodes with the five star reviews on our iTunes page. We'll read anything you write. No n-words please.

Also subscribe to our Patreon. Officer Kevin's going to be going out to L.A. in a week, and we're going to record bonus episode number 2 around the week of the 20th. So get on it! Namaste.

Thought Cops: Episode 59

March 27, 2018

Welcome to Thought Cops, Episode 59! Tonight, Jay welcomes: Zwick, audio engineer and producer extraordinaire! AKA, the guy that edits audio for Asterios Kokkinos. You can find him on twitter at @dude2o. Or if you're angry at him for some reason, @dude20.

This week, we're hating for a full 2 minutes on the real color of tennis balls, professional journalist Pim Tool, and people who brag about how they aren’t going to watch problematic content creator’s content. Here's the Tim Pool video Zwick referenced in the episode:

We also talk about the Count Dankula verdict and Ricky Gervais' newest special. Count Dankula is the guy who was recently convicted in Scotland for the crime of teaching his girlfriend's pug to do a Nazi salute. Yeah, seriously.

With him being found guilty of being offensive, there's barely a reason for us to keep doing this show. Just kidding, tweet all your hate speech to @policescotland because fuck those people. It won't change anything, but it might make you feel better.

In the meantime, check out our Patreon, leave us a review on iTunes, and leave us a voicemail at 312-788-7361.

Thought Cops: Episode 58

March 21, 2018

Hello, and welcome to episode 58 of Thought Cops! Live from the city of Yew Nork on March 21st, the Year of Malort. This week, we're joined by Jake of Big Sword Panel and Ben Carson. Not the brain surgeon, the guy who did our awesome artwork.

This episode, we talk about stupid movie trailers, celebrity death catharsis, unsolicited social media followers, Elon Musk's foray into the world of comedy, Luigi's penis, Lara Croft's boobs, and United's competition with PETA to see who can kill the most animals.

Don't forget to leave us a review on iTunes if you haven't already. Also, don't forget to subscribe to our two dollar tier on our Patreon for our monthly bonus episodes. Right now there's only one episode, but a new month approaches so get on that shit.