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Cleaning up the mean streets of the internet - because somebody's gotta do it. From the cyberpunk hellscape of Neo-Chicago, Officer Kevin and Officer Grant monitor the world wide web so you don't have to. Leave us a voicemail to play on the show: 312-788-7361 or send an audio file to thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com The Thought Cops have deputized a number of your favorite thought leaders, content creators, comedians, online personalities, and more, in their effort to clean up the internet once and for all.
Episodes
Monday Jan 20, 2020
Monday Jan 20, 2020
Hope you're having a normal one, because this week on Thought Cops we have the talented, wonderful LowRes Wünderbred to help us lay down the law AESTHETICALLY. You can find his Youtube channel here and his trippy website, podcast, and everything else here.
iTunes: Listen, subscribe, leave a review
Support the show on Patreon
Field Notes
Keep having a normal one, my dude! You can only listen to this episode today! Hurry up, before the dopamine runs out.
LowRes helps us trudge through the bullshit news of the week, from Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina-scented candle, to Meghan Markle and her husband (whoever that is) leaving the Royal Family, to Jillian Michaels challenging Lizzo to a pushup contest. You can see why the dopamine hasn't been doing its job lately. Anyway, hope this episode is a good way to start your week!
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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Tuesday Jan 14, 2020
Tuesday Jan 14, 2020
Be Nice To Me Productions' own Alex Schultz returns to the program this week!
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Field Notes
K9 Service Pupparino Alex "Woof Woof" Schultz promotes his newest magnum dong opus "A Profoundly Angry Young Man". Keep your eyes open and you may just see your second-favorite Thought Cops host make an appearance!
https://youtu.be/1lxP34JdDf4
Twitter announces they are rolling out a new feature where when you say "don't @ me", no one will. Warner Brothers announces that they are going to use an AI program to produce movies, and a polyamorous couple announces they have snacks for their boyfriend's girlfriend's girlfriend.
Don't miss this one, simps!
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Tuesday Jan 07, 2020
Tuesday Jan 07, 2020
LIVE from the Crowd Theater in Neo-Chicago, Illinois: Brianna Murphy joins us for another live show!
iTunes: Listen, subscribe, leave a review
https://youtu.be/3M0TWrhj370
Field Notes
This was our second live show we've done at the Crowd Theater in Chicago. Brianna performed some standup, we hated on airplane feet, Facebook, and bro ads, and we sentenced the Top Ten Rocks songs of the decade, the Pope, and a couple of large boys using our brand new wheel of punishment. Malort was consumed, familiar faces were seen, and laughs were had by all. 2020's already turning out to be a good year.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Sunday Dec 29, 2019
Sunday Dec 29, 2019
Happy after-holidays, everyone! Didn't get what you wanted for Christmas or whatever? Well, here's something else you didn't ask for: a free episode of our spin-off show, Fire Bros!
Click here to buy a ticket for our live show on January 2nd at the Crowd Theater!
iTunes: Listen, subscribe, leave a review
"Fire Bros? W.T.F. is that," you may be wondering. Well, if you donate at least $2 to us on Patreon, you'll get access to ALL of the episodes of our spin-off show Fire Bros where we review four different pieces of media each month. Who else but the Thought Cops could determine what is and isn't safe for public consumption? Will Joker up in the Library Of Regress, or will it be burned along with the forgotten pages of history? Tune in to find out!
Sunday Dec 22, 2019
Sunday Dec 22, 2019
Hope this works: we're back with comedian Bruce Kesselring this week, and we've got a few prizes in store for you as well!
iTunes: Listen, subscribe, leave a review
Field Notes
Click here to buy a ticket for our live show on January 2nd at the Crowd Theater!
In our final episode of the decade, we look to the twitter toilet for answers. Turns out, it might just be a prank to rile us up? And 99.99% of people didn't bother to check the OP's bio? Yeah, that tracks.
We also read some relationship advice this week, and learn about history. Hallmark Channel pulls a holiday ad because they thought they'd lose money, and then puts it back up realizing that they could indeed make more money.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Sunday Dec 15, 2019
Sunday Dec 15, 2019
We, for all intents and purposes, out here. Peter and Niko are back!
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Field Notes
Click here to buy a ticket for our live show on January 2nd at the Crowd Theater!
The decade is about to come to a close, and we take a moment to look back on and discuss the worst things to happen between 2010 and now.
Egg discourse takes place on twitter this week, where a man who looks like an egg tells a woman that her eggs are dying out. Greta Thunberg is named Time Magazine's Person Of The Year. Though, it was better when it was Us. We also learn about the Bloomberg Dance that trolled many this week.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Tuesday Dec 10, 2019
Tuesday Dec 10, 2019
Open this post for a surprise, and like it when you see it! Deputy Marty returns for yet another episode of this week's Thought Cops! You can follow him on twitter HERE.
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Field Notes
Are you in the right headspace for a new episode? Have you been thinking sexual thoughts about us that you'd like to share? Well hit that subscribe button and drop us a line at 312-788-7361. This week we uncover the internet's dumbest man, who bought his wife an exercise bike for Christmas. See why people are sending him death threats. We also uncover the internet's dumbest woman, Billie Eilish, who doesn't know who Van Halen is. What a moron!
We've got another live show coming up in Chicago! January 2nd at the Crowd Theater featuring special guest Brianna Murphy! Be there or we'll see you in Minecraft! Tickets available HERE!
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Tuesday Dec 03, 2019
Tuesday Dec 03, 2019
Another episode of the podcast called Thought Cops is here. And this time, we've got Chicago comedian Robert Kuschell along for the ride.
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Field Notes
The day of reckoning... is here! Hope you had your pizza, because Papa John is about to set the record straight. Popular twitch twerp Ninja talks shit about sportsball in an epic chapter of the neverending battle between nerds and jocks... Baby Y*da gifs have been pulled by Disney, while people tan their assholes.
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Tuesday Nov 26, 2019
Tuesday Nov 26, 2019
*braahhp* Ari Grabb, creator of Bento Banana and animator on Rick And Morty returns to the show!
iTunes: Listen, subscribe, leave a review
https://youtu.be/Hwqw9Pmp8so
Field Notes
Happy Thoughtsgiving! We're gonna tell our kids this was a good podcast.
Lots of stuff happening this week, but it's not a big deal for us or anything. We have the mental capacity/space to do so. Like Pete Buttigieg, we have high, high hopes. So, get in your poorly rendered Cybertruck for a ridealong that you'll never forget!
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com
Tuesday Nov 19, 2019
Tuesday Nov 19, 2019
Is there a podcast-HER? Mentally unsound comedian Aaron Klopfer makes his triumphant return to Thought Cops! Make sure you check out his YouTube page KloppTube for all sorts of content you would expect from a man who uses facebook status updates in place of weekly therapy sessions.
iTunes: Listen, subscribe, leave a review
Field Notes
Kevin made his Mega64 debut this week on the Poorly Played Stream. Simply put? Ya don't wanna miss a second of it. It's a blast!
We discuss the very real concern of Keanu Reeves burnout. He's in everything these days and folks, we're burning through him faster than fossil fuels. We also discuss how NOT to promote your art on social media, and the dangers or lack-thereof of wearing shorts every day in Chicago winters.
Disney Plus launched this week and had a few debacles or, as we're going to call them, "Maclunkeys". PayPal blocks pornhub for some reason, and gender reveals turn nasty (deadly).
Join the Thought Cops Deputy Patrol
Click here to buy Thought Cops shirts, hoodies, stickers, and mugs.
Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick
Leave the show a voicemail at 312-788-7361 or thoughtcopspodcast@gmail.com